Thot Topics

Hold the Girls!

We heard that the big titty woodshop teacher is actually the headmaster... wanna know she got THAT name?
 
We're back! Finally there was some good fucking FOOD on the timeline this week, so we really dig deep.
 
First, we review Rina Sawayama's new album HOLD THE GIRL and really get carried away with our... strong feelings on the matter. Then, we go back to black: mermaids that is. We talk about the Little Mermaid remake and get to the bottom of whether Halle Bailey is an instrument of the Great Replacement.
 
Lastly, we talk the big titty woodshop teacher who made waves with her massive jugs. We answer the question on everyone's lips: when selecting dishwasher-safe breasts to wear to work, how much is too much?
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the Thot Topics Fanclub Instagram @th0tcels. Hold our girls on Patreon.

Fergalicious Debt!

Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt... debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt Fergalicious debtfinition make Joe Biden pay me
 
This week, we put on our lab coats to explore the dark side of Bro-tox: injecting toxins into your asshole; the final frontier for gay monstrosity. Is it worth risking incontinence to put more PP in your butt? We get to the BOTTOM of it. Teehee!
 
Then, we talk about MAGA Barbie Sydney Sweeney and make her pay for the sick and twisted crime of being beautiful and loving her family. Do any of us have an uncle that DOESN'T own a Punisher shirt? Did only white people vote for Trump? Can anyone get a forklift to help Barbie Ferreira up the stairs? All is revealed. (We also chat about the other Euphoria girls and their respective cancellations.)
 
You WISH it was over there. We recap Nicki Minaj's VMA Video Vanguard performance and reflect on her career, check in on our opinion of Renaissance, threaten to discuss Taylor Swift at length, and try to decipher whether our student loans have been wiped. (We still don't know.)
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Keep the thotfest going on Instagram @th0tcels. Fund our trip to the cat show on Patreon.

Wuthering Rights!

NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!
We're baby got BACK and this week we're SETTLING IT. ONCE AND FOR ALL! We go through the annoying Twitter thread of the week wherein one GAY user asks: "What in the LGBT community do we need to talk about more??" 
If you immediately thought "nothing" then this is the episode for you. We settle the age-old debates of homosexuality, from the right people not wanting to fuck you, to "queer spaces that don't involve alcohol or sex." 
Now there's NO NEED to talk about any of this stuff anymore! We figured it all out!
Of course that's not all: we review Super Freaky Girl, talk about Nick's weed journey, the misery of The Job Search, and MORE! Get you a towel, it's so wet in our Jacuzzi!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Follow our new shitposting Instagram @th0tcels. Get us to our 300-sister goal on Patreon!

Judy Calls! (Extended Preview)

Disease strikes the Thot Topics Lounge and the girls are separated by FOUR WHOLE CITY BLOCKS by Nick's late-game Covid diagnosis. More like BLOWMIcron am I right? 
Covid may be able to keep us apart but it CAN'T extinguish our spirit, and this episode is just as sassy and girly as ever. While Nick repeatedly hacks up a lung on the air, we cover a LOT of ground. Nick's trip to the deep south inspires us to ask: is homophobia real? Is being a libtard an appropriate response to being gay? Is Memphis the worst city in the country? Much is discussed, and Nick reveals the present he bought for Cris in New Orleans.
Then, it's business as usual. We review the new Carly Rae Jepsen single "Beach House" and the woman Carly Rae Jepsen overall. Then, we talk about Kim Petras's leaked album and what's so fucked up about manufacturing a "moment." Last, we talk about Themi Lovato returning to plain old Demi-- and what that means for the pronoun community at large.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. See this cute whale on the beach on Patreon.

Abuelas in STEM!

⚠️ Time to BeRetarded. ⚠️
 
TRUST THE SCIENCE. *Our* science. Thank God you guys have us to solve this pubic-- oh, sorry, public-- health crisis. We have the way out of the Monkeypox jungle, and here's a hint: ixnay on the ettinggay uttednay inyay!
 
But naturally, that's not all! We monkey around and defend Elon Musk's enlarged ribcage, and talk about the lady who let some guy fuck her thigh crease until he came and how that apparently qualifies her to talk about abortion? Whatever. We don't really get it either but we have fun talking about thigh fucking.
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Keep us off the streets so we don't get GAIDS on Patreon.
 
This week is free-- next week is paid again! Make your god damn fuckin' $4 pledge to join the sisterhood NOW!

Bladees and Gentlemen!

ALERT! NO MORE MR. NICE GAY! We now have enough paying sisters to keep satisfied that we are changing our schedule-- we'll be alternating every week between free and paid episodes. If you don't like it, blow us! Or send us $4 on Patreon and gain access to every episode, every week. This week is paid, but it's a real banger episode-- you definitely don't want to miss babe.
Pollen: It's the Reason for the Sneazin'!
We're back, and not a moment too late! This week, the girls have a therapeutic venting sesh over life's greatest quandaries-- whether tis nobler in the mind to have a gay coworker, or to wish you were an owl who was still allowed in Great American Bagel. Plus-- is the only way to regain our online privacy to constantly lie? There's more but I honestly can't remember. Drain gang!
THEN, we discuss the picture seen 'round the world-- Lana Del Rey and her new boyfie Jack Donoghue. We judge the photo's artistic merits, but wind up going on a really long rant about twinks-- maybe the most definitive thing anyone's ever said about twinks and why they'll never understand Lana. 
Lastly, we try to discuss Christian Walker and Kehlani fighting in the Starbucks line and wind up discussing Grindr and the Gay Coomer Mindset. In the business, that's what they call a MISDIRECT. We feel you'll enjoy.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Rally against the free folk on Patreon. 

Blow v. Trade!

We asked Biden if he'd swear us onto the SuCREAM court, but he said we weren't qualified, cuz that thang be squirtin'!
 
We return after our triumphant centennial episode to bravely offer our highly sought-after takes on politics. We know it's your favorite-- we're so good at it! We predict whether gay marriage will survive the decade, but also ask some more fundamental questions: How does plumbing work? Is diet soda actually zero calories? Is abortion giving, or is it not? Let it be muthafuckin' hot!
 
But that's not all-- we also talk about street protests, Yonce, record labels not understanding what actually makes someone popular, and so much more. Take a load off-- or drop a load in, we really don't mind. We probably won't even feel it!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod.
 
We don't know what to say. We asked you Monday. We asked you Tuesday. We asked you Wednesday. We asked you Thursday. We're truly sorry to ask you again today. Give us four dollars on Patreon NOW to protect the rights of women everywhere.

RuPaul’s Case Race AKA The 100th Episode Power Hour!

100 EPISODES!!!! To the moon, Alice! The goon palace!
 
The long-awaiting Thot Topics centennial is upon us, and to celebrate our womanniversary we reached out to listeners like YOU to construct the WHEEL OF WHORETUNE-- over 70 topics were submitted for consideration and we got through a surprising amount of them! Round and round she goes-- where she stops, NOBODY knows! It's the ultimate test of podcasting endurance and we pass with flying colors. Also we got literally so drunk. POWER HOUR!!!!!
 
We don't want to spoil any surprises but this is really a tender, girly moment of celebration

Portrait of a Lady on Fire Island!

Though Pride Month may be upon us, at Thot Topics HQ it's NO MORE MR. DIONYSE GUY!!
I really thought we'd gotten all the rage out on the last solo episode but apparently not! This week, gay guys really gave us a LOT to chew on and boy did it taste like SHIT! After a little bit of girly chitchat on the job market, we dive right into our review of Hulu's new gay "rom-com" FIRE ISLAND. Should Fire Island people stay there forever? Is continuing to fuck randos a satisfying end to a love story? Is it better to be a huge whale than a guy with a normal BMI in the gay world? We SETTLE IT.
Then, a few other faggot ass issues on the docket. First, the Postmates Pride Month "Bottom Menu" and how to have anal sex in a way that serves God. PLUS, Drag Queens v. The State of Texas-- can kids be around drag queens without becoming trans? Find out, and maybe just find yourself, this week on THOT TOPICS!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Get us something off the bottom menu on Patreon.

Thotline 3: God Reads Kneemail! (feat. @bulkingtreason)

There's NO business like YO business, so you know we had to get up in there like swimwear!
 
As part of our court-ordered 80 hours of community service, we reach out to broken-brain gay guys, pure-hearted young women, and straight guys who like us for whatever reason, to fix their lives Iyanla-style. And there's no shortage of crises to resolve-- is personal grooming for men too gay? Is there a way to break the gay frenemies cycle in the workplace? Is it ever a good move to move home with your parents? Can you be part of the "scene" while still preserving a long-term relationship? ALL of this is resolved and more.
 
Close your mouths, open your ears, and you just might learn something