Thot Topics

Stream of Cuntciousness!

No thots! Head empty!  Durrrrrr duhhhhhhh
We tried so hard to come up with something to talk about today and every time we attempted to start a topic it seemed really stupid and gay so we decided to throw caution to the wind and let our fuckin' freak flags fly! Over an HOUR of no topics, no structure, no effort, just pussyliciousness. Maybe if this episode was for PATRONS we'd give more of a FUCK! We literally talk about NOTHING!
But in a way, what DON'T we talk about? Fat rights, Marsha P Johnson, Blu-Ray technology, bearface, ephebophilia, receding hairlines, Dr Pepper Dark Berry, hungry demons, police brutality, high school, vaping, bat wings, drinking at work, the death knell of mirror pics, Auto-Tune... and MORE! If that's nothing, then I'm not a size 36 waist!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. 
Stimulate our senses on Patreon.

Silence of the Ma’ams!

We're girls with a passion for cryptofascion! Clear the runway because it's officially OVER for fatties and uglies.
 
We're back for the first solo episode of the GAY 4 MAY BLITZ-- for our greatest trick of all time, we're going to put out TWO EPISODES EVERY WEEK for the month of May. 1 for patrons, sisters, and true BELIEVERS in the Thot Topics mission-- and one for broke faggot haters.
 
This episode is randomly a super dark one. Like it or not, we contain multitudes. Cry about it! We take a good half hour to reflect on the violent dark age of the early Internet, lament the aging process and our homosexual inability to enjoy work. It's a therapy session but there's some evil energy released in the process. Oopsie!
 
THEN, it's back to women's business. We put on our pussy hats and-- ugh, what's that smell? whatever. Anyway, we talk about abortion. Who wants it? Who's got it? Can anyone let us know the hottest spot for it? We also touch on Madison Cawthorne getting light in his loafers.
 
And of course we chat about the abysmal Met Gala, though most of our commentary is nonverbal. N-JOY!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Ease the psychic pain of the wage labor economy on Patreon.

Meateorologists!

Have you ever wanted to hear two drunk childless gay twenty-somethings talk about how to protect our next generation of leaders against the forces of gender terrorism? Well NOW is your hourlong CHANCE! In our world, LGBT stands for Let's Get Big Titties and if that's wrong then we don't wanna be right!
Not to alarm anybody but I think this might be the best take on the Don't Say Gay bill that anyone has ever had on the entire planet? We have a docket of three topics but literally get so distracted talking about pussy and afterbirth and rollercoasters that we only manage to get to one. But honestly I think you'll see the Homosexual Question in a whole new light...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Say hay gurl gay on Patreon.

Get Off Your Bi Horse!

And baby there AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN BIIIII ENOUGH. AIN'T NO VALLEY LOWWW ENOUGH. AIN'T NO RIVER WIIIIDE ENOUGH
Biiii like an eagle... To the seaaaaaa
Happy Sheaster! We're back! We know we shouldn't have kept you waiting...  but we're here now. Playtime is officially OVER and we're back to tackle the world's biggest issues: you guessed it. Whether it's worse to have a cheating man or a bisexual man. TRUST US, it's settled. OFFICIALLY!
But that's not all, we put on our queer theory hats and figure out why it's OK to be a bi woman but not to be a bi man. (Honestly I've never heard an answer like ours before and honestly I think it's right?) THEN, we talk about whether normalizing homosexuality has led to the breakdown of society. And break it down we do!
We also chat the Grammys, Slut Pop, whether you get fatter or disappear if you eat yourself, and MORE! We did an extra long episode to make up for our absence

Gay Little Monkey Hour #2: INTERIOR DELUSIONS LOUNGE ft. TUCKER WILDE (Preview)

***PATRONS ONLY*** GET OUR MONEY UP ON PATREON BITCH.
 
Well, this one's a bit of a buzzer-beater (Basketball reference, teehee!) but we TOLD you we'd get you one premium episode per month!! This week, we're setting aside our SWERF tendencies and embracing our new bestie TUCKER WILDE, Dallas's premiere bona fide gay porno starlet! It's a sexy little pillow fight you DON'T want to miss. 
 
This month's game involves us doing our absolute best to rank the Drag Race girls of history-- we do a lot of them but God it was hard not to get distracted. We talk about the secrets of OnlyFans, therapy, cooking food at work, and PIGLET makes her worldwide debut on the podcasting stage. It's a thrilling jaunt through the human spirit. 
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. 
 
Follow Tucker Wilde on Twitter and pay a hoe on his OnlyFans!

Encunto!

Lin Manuel Miranda presents the premiere Thot Topics musical event of the season, ENCUNTO, a journey through the latinx heart and a touching story for the whole family about the power of love, community, and apple cherry coochie clit.
We're back! And not a moment too late. First, we perform a wellness check on one another-- taking stock of our respective fitness journeys before taking a look at Nick's expense report from the past month. PLUS, we provide our very first on-air recipe. It's disgusting and you will love it!
Then, it's business time. We chat about the Oscars for way longer than we planned to-- "reviewing" the Best Picture contenders takes up most of it (we have only seen one of them) but there's also some... impassioned... discussion of Encanto.
Then, we review Lizzo's new fat girl dance show, WATCH OUT FOR THE BIG GRRRLS, a show where various women do a split and then promptly need a knee brace. Somehow we start talking about how much we hate gay guys? It's kind of a "Yes, and" episode to be honest...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Watch out for the big gurls on Patreon. 
 

To F*ck a Predator!

GAYLIEN VS PREDATOR. WHO WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS IN THE BATTLE OF THE ANCIENTS???
 
It's a good old fashioned Thot Topics romp and we must've been pretty hangry because there's a lot of yelling on this one! We go knock-knock-knockin' on three different gay guy's doors to cuff that ass and throw them in the SLAMMER where they belong. And you'll never guess where we put the key ;) A great deal is resolved in a cosmic sense.
 
First, we feel obligated to review Charli XCX's new snoozefest CRASH. Then it's down to business. First, we talk Grindr screenshots, starting with the 19 year old brit-tard who thinks it's predatory to receive a message on the Teenage Assfucking app. THEN, we talk about a homosexual PhD candidate's mission to equate public coitus with getting a nude sent to your phone while you're out and about. (I get REALLY worked up about this one, warning in advance lmfao). LASTLY, we take on the infamous Cum Walk-- was it real cum? Was in the right? What's NOT clear on the surface? The answer may surprise you...
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make us cum, make us squirt, see our titties through our shirt on Patreon.

Get Your F**king A** Up and Work: The Kim Kardashian Story!

Someone help! I think I smell a yaaas leak!
 
In our triumphant return following our star-crossed meeting with Slayyyter, we're back to business as usual-- talking shit about gay guys online. First, we do a little bit of catching up on our personal lives and talk about THE WAR. Then, it's on to more important things.
 
First, we speculate on a certain Twitter gay's new surrogate baby. Should gay guys have babies? Does there need to be a mom? Do WE want children? Is surrogacy okay? Can you request a white baby? We get SOMEWHERE and that somewhere feels like the truth.
 
We contemplate loosing our lips about Charli's new album but decide to save it for next week, and instead deliver what is likely our most motivational and inspiring work yet by chatting Kim Kardashian. Do people want to work anymore? What is the key to success? Are you actually fucked if you weren't born rich? Should you WANT to be rich? It's basically a self-help class. Marianne Williamson eat your heart out!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Get your fucking ass up and subscribe on Patreon.

Fellatiosaurus Rex! (feat. Slayyyter)

In a historic girls' chat that was predestined-- carved on an ancient tome and locked deep beneath the earth for centuries-- we are joined by the one and only motherfuckin' goddamn SLAYYYTER in her podcasting debut. EVERYTHING is exposed. And you KNOW I mean our tits!
It's impossible to summarize just how important the content of this episode is. It's basically the fucking State of the Union address. We bond as new besties, dish on Slayyyter's highly decorated career, and talk Shamrock Shakes, masks, getting noise complaints, lip filler, and MORE.
But that's not all-- this is a good old fashioned Thot Topics episode too. We rail fat lines of the Linkedin pill and discuss Mitski asking people to stop using their phones so much at her shows. We settle every question imaginable: if no one's filming, how can you know if you're sexy? What if Beyonce said no phones? Are pop stars your little wage slaves? ALL is revealed.
Then, we establish firm guidelines for male fashion-- both for straight men and for gay "men." Is it ever appropriate for a man to wear a stretchy Chelsea boot? What's with gay guys wanting to wear fetish gear over normal outfits? We settle it once and for all. 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Eat our fish like Nobu on Patreon.
Follow Slayyyter on Twitter and Instagram. Stream her new album TROUBLED PARADISE and go see her on tour this summer. (We'll be there babe!)

Ukraine On Me!

Chernobyl you betta don't!
 
We're back for another solo episode and this week, we're Putin on the ritz and launching a full-scale ATTACK on Charli XCX. Crimea river!
 
But first, there's important business to attend to-- from reflecting on whether or not college was worth it, to revealing how much our rent is, to performing a wellness check on each other as we continue our new jobs. It's sisterly, you'll love.
 
Then, it's down to business- we discuss whether video games are bad for you. Can you play too much of them? Are they a waste of your life? Why is everyone "anti-hedonism"? What should men be doing instead? THEN-- we attempt to discuss Charli XCX's branded enema bulb merch, but get caught up in a disgusting and humiliating conversation about washing out your asshole. All in all, it's a real classic. As the Russians say, don't have 100 rubles-- have 100 sisters