Thot Topics

The Diet Dr. Pepper Socialist!

SQUEEZE the means of production. MILK the bourgeoisie for all it's worth. SUCK the power out of billionaires. RIDE into the perfect Marxist future. SLURP that dick till it cum.
 
We're back! We know we've kept you waiting for a hot minute so we really play the hits on this one. First order of business is addressing Nick's haters: does thinking the bus is gross make you pedophile? Are you a Nazi for wanting to stop school shootings? Can you eat food or drive cars in good conscience under socialism? We settle it once and for all, and cast an ancient and powerful curse on our naysayers.
 
Then, we really return to the classics-- we review the new Sky Ferreira comeback single DON'T FORGET, and the new Rina Sawayama "song" THIS HELL. Naturally we take a few detours: Indian twinks, race theory, having fun, running for mayor, begging rather than choosing, and MORE!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Prove our haters right on Patreon.
 
LAST CALL for the THOTLINE-- sorry for the delay, Cris was sick, but we'll have your burning questions answered this Thursday!!

*UNLOCKED* Gay Little Monkey Hour #4: C.O.C.K. in the USA (feat. Twink Revolution)

**PATREON EXCLUSIVE UNLOCKED**
Cris is sick so we couldn't record an episode this week, but we'll be back on schedule this week including the new THOTLINE episode!! In the meantime, here's an offering from the VAULT to tide you over in the meantime.
This land is. WHAT? This land is. WHO? This land is. OUUURR LAND
We're back in the Gay Little Monkey Jungle swinging from tree to tree with a couple of skinny little apes: Sam and Gian of the defunct but never de-spunked TWINK REVOLUTION. Given the current national climate we thought it was the perfect time to really take a step back and evaluate the state of the Jewnion. Where's the dead weight? How can we cut out the fat? How can we expect to thrive when we keep inviting D-listers? It's time to revolutionize. Welcome to Thottopica baby.
We cover ALL fifty states from sea to shining sea and decide whether it should stay, have its population euthanized but its landscape preserved, or whether it should be blown to got damn smithereens! Look at the material...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Reminder that you'll get a weekly premium episode all through May if you sub!
Follow FKA Twink Rev on Twitter @RevGiant and @TwinkRevSam. And don't miss their cum-back episode featuring yours truly next week

Ketayours, Ketamine, and Ketaours! (feat. Sydney)

WOMAN MOMENT!! Thot Topics history is made once again as we invite the second woman in nearly 100 episodes into the Women's Business Lounge-- beloved friend of the pod, the gorgeous SYDNEY! And you're in for a real treat because nothing enables us to fag out more than being in a girl's apartment. This episode also features a lot of feline mischief in the background-- meOW!
We perform a wellness check on the culture as we approach the halfway mark of 2022-- we review our In/Out list for 2022 and see how accurate we were. Are the "in" things actually in, or is there still work left to be done? Are the "out" things actually out, or do you people need to get your shit together? Much is discussed, much is resolved, and if you don't leave this episode feeling centered then there's not much hope for you!
In addition, we settle some feelings about Party Girl Bisexuality, the superiority of the Devil's Threesome, girlfriends performing lesbian urges to express hatred for their boyfriends, and MORE as we pregame for the Slayyyter show. It's THAT level of female-homosexual unity.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Buy us a round on Patreon.
Follow Sydney on Twitter and on Insta. 

Stream of Cuntciousness!

No thots! Head empty!  Durrrrrr duhhhhhhh
We tried so hard to come up with something to talk about today and every time we attempted to start a topic it seemed really stupid and gay so we decided to throw caution to the wind and let our fuckin' freak flags fly! Over an HOUR of no topics, no structure, no effort, just pussyliciousness. Maybe if this episode was for PATRONS we'd give more of a FUCK! We literally talk about NOTHING!
But in a way, what DON'T we talk about? Fat rights, Marsha P Johnson, Blu-Ray technology, bearface, ephebophilia, receding hairlines, Dr Pepper Dark Berry, hungry demons, police brutality, high school, vaping, bat wings, drinking at work, the death knell of mirror pics, Auto-Tune... and MORE! If that's nothing, then I'm not a size 36 waist!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. 
Stimulate our senses on Patreon.

Silence of the Ma’ams!

We're girls with a passion for cryptofascion! Clear the runway because it's officially OVER for fatties and uglies.
 
We're back for the first solo episode of the GAY 4 MAY BLITZ-- for our greatest trick of all time, we're going to put out TWO EPISODES EVERY WEEK for the month of May. 1 for patrons, sisters, and true BELIEVERS in the Thot Topics mission-- and one for broke faggot haters.
 
This episode is randomly a super dark one. Like it or not, we contain multitudes. Cry about it! We take a good half hour to reflect on the violent dark age of the early Internet, lament the aging process and our homosexual inability to enjoy work. It's a therapy session but there's some evil energy released in the process. Oopsie!
 
THEN, it's back to women's business. We put on our pussy hats and-- ugh, what's that smell? whatever. Anyway, we talk about abortion. Who wants it? Who's got it? Can anyone let us know the hottest spot for it? We also touch on Madison Cawthorne getting light in his loafers.
 
And of course we chat about the abysmal Met Gala, though most of our commentary is nonverbal. N-JOY!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Ease the psychic pain of the wage labor economy on Patreon.

Meateorologists!

Have you ever wanted to hear two drunk childless gay twenty-somethings talk about how to protect our next generation of leaders against the forces of gender terrorism? Well NOW is your hourlong CHANCE! In our world, LGBT stands for Let's Get Big Titties and if that's wrong then we don't wanna be right!
Not to alarm anybody but I think this might be the best take on the Don't Say Gay bill that anyone has ever had on the entire planet? We have a docket of three topics but literally get so distracted talking about pussy and afterbirth and rollercoasters that we only manage to get to one. But honestly I think you'll see the Homosexual Question in a whole new light...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Say hay gurl gay on Patreon.

Get Off Your Bi Horse!

And baby there AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN BIIIII ENOUGH. AIN'T NO VALLEY LOWWW ENOUGH. AIN'T NO RIVER WIIIIDE ENOUGH
Biiii like an eagle... To the seaaaaaa
Happy Sheaster! We're back! We know we shouldn't have kept you waiting...  but we're here now. Playtime is officially OVER and we're back to tackle the world's biggest issues: you guessed it. Whether it's worse to have a cheating man or a bisexual man. TRUST US, it's settled. OFFICIALLY!
But that's not all, we put on our queer theory hats and figure out why it's OK to be a bi woman but not to be a bi man. (Honestly I've never heard an answer like ours before and honestly I think it's right?) THEN, we talk about whether normalizing homosexuality has led to the breakdown of society. And break it down we do!
We also chat the Grammys, Slut Pop, whether you get fatter or disappear if you eat yourself, and MORE! We did an extra long episode to make up for our absence

Gay Little Monkey Hour #2: INTERIOR DELUSIONS LOUNGE ft. TUCKER WILDE (Preview)

***PATRONS ONLY*** GET OUR MONEY UP ON PATREON BITCH.
 
Well, this one's a bit of a buzzer-beater (Basketball reference, teehee!) but we TOLD you we'd get you one premium episode per month!! This week, we're setting aside our SWERF tendencies and embracing our new bestie TUCKER WILDE, Dallas's premiere bona fide gay porno starlet! It's a sexy little pillow fight you DON'T want to miss. 
 
This month's game involves us doing our absolute best to rank the Drag Race girls of history-- we do a lot of them but God it was hard not to get distracted. We talk about the secrets of OnlyFans, therapy, cooking food at work, and PIGLET makes her worldwide debut on the podcasting stage. It's a thrilling jaunt through the human spirit. 
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. 
 
Follow Tucker Wilde on Twitter and pay a hoe on his OnlyFans!

Encunto!

Lin Manuel Miranda presents the premiere Thot Topics musical event of the season, ENCUNTO, a journey through the latinx heart and a touching story for the whole family about the power of love, community, and apple cherry coochie clit.
We're back! And not a moment too late. First, we perform a wellness check on one another-- taking stock of our respective fitness journeys before taking a look at Nick's expense report from the past month. PLUS, we provide our very first on-air recipe. It's disgusting and you will love it!
Then, it's business time. We chat about the Oscars for way longer than we planned to-- "reviewing" the Best Picture contenders takes up most of it (we have only seen one of them) but there's also some... impassioned... discussion of Encanto.
Then, we review Lizzo's new fat girl dance show, WATCH OUT FOR THE BIG GRRRLS, a show where various women do a split and then promptly need a knee brace. Somehow we start talking about how much we hate gay guys? It's kind of a "Yes, and" episode to be honest...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Watch out for the big gurls on Patreon. 
 

To F*ck a Predator!

GAYLIEN VS PREDATOR. WHO WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS IN THE BATTLE OF THE ANCIENTS???
 
It's a good old fashioned Thot Topics romp and we must've been pretty hangry because there's a lot of yelling on this one! We go knock-knock-knockin' on three different gay guy's doors to cuff that ass and throw them in the SLAMMER where they belong. And you'll never guess where we put the key ;) A great deal is resolved in a cosmic sense.
 
First, we feel obligated to review Charli XCX's new snoozefest CRASH. Then it's down to business. First, we talk Grindr screenshots, starting with the 19 year old brit-tard who thinks it's predatory to receive a message on the Teenage Assfucking app. THEN, we talk about a homosexual PhD candidate's mission to equate public coitus with getting a nude sent to your phone while you're out and about. (I get REALLY worked up about this one, warning in advance lmfao). LASTLY, we take on the infamous Cum Walk-- was it real cum? Was in the right? What's NOT clear on the surface? The answer may surprise you...
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make us cum, make us squirt, see our titties through our shirt on Patreon.