Thot Topics

Encunto!

Lin Manuel Miranda presents the premiere Thot Topics musical event of the season, ENCUNTO, a journey through the latinx heart and a touching story for the whole family about the power of love, community, and apple cherry coochie clit.
We're back! And not a moment too late. First, we perform a wellness check on one another-- taking stock of our respective fitness journeys before taking a look at Nick's expense report from the past month. PLUS, we provide our very first on-air recipe. It's disgusting and you will love it!
Then, it's business time. We chat about the Oscars for way longer than we planned to-- "reviewing" the Best Picture contenders takes up most of it (we have only seen one of them) but there's also some... impassioned... discussion of Encanto.
Then, we review Lizzo's new fat girl dance show, WATCH OUT FOR THE BIG GRRRLS, a show where various women do a split and then promptly need a knee brace. Somehow we start talking about how much we hate gay guys? It's kind of a "Yes, and" episode to be honest...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Watch out for the big gurls on Patreon. 
 

To F*ck a Predator!

GAYLIEN VS PREDATOR. WHO WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS IN THE BATTLE OF THE ANCIENTS???
 
It's a good old fashioned Thot Topics romp and we must've been pretty hangry because there's a lot of yelling on this one! We go knock-knock-knockin' on three different gay guy's doors to cuff that ass and throw them in the SLAMMER where they belong. And you'll never guess where we put the key ;) A great deal is resolved in a cosmic sense.
 
First, we feel obligated to review Charli XCX's new snoozefest CRASH. Then it's down to business. First, we talk Grindr screenshots, starting with the 19 year old brit-tard who thinks it's predatory to receive a message on the Teenage Assfucking app. THEN, we talk about a homosexual PhD candidate's mission to equate public coitus with getting a nude sent to your phone while you're out and about. (I get REALLY worked up about this one, warning in advance lmfao). LASTLY, we take on the infamous Cum Walk-- was it real cum? Was in the right? What's NOT clear on the surface? The answer may surprise you...
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make us cum, make us squirt, see our titties through our shirt on Patreon.

Get Your F**king A** Up and Work: The Kim Kardashian Story!

Someone help! I think I smell a yaaas leak!
 
In our triumphant return following our star-crossed meeting with Slayyyter, we're back to business as usual-- talking shit about gay guys online. First, we do a little bit of catching up on our personal lives and talk about THE WAR. Then, it's on to more important things.
 
First, we speculate on a certain Twitter gay's new surrogate baby. Should gay guys have babies? Does there need to be a mom? Do WE want children? Is surrogacy okay? Can you request a white baby? We get SOMEWHERE and that somewhere feels like the truth.
 
We contemplate loosing our lips about Charli's new album but decide to save it for next week, and instead deliver what is likely our most motivational and inspiring work yet by chatting Kim Kardashian. Do people want to work anymore? What is the key to success? Are you actually fucked if you weren't born rich? Should you WANT to be rich? It's basically a self-help class. Marianne Williamson eat your heart out!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Get your fucking ass up and subscribe on Patreon.

Fellatiosaurus Rex! (feat. Slayyyter)

In a historic girls' chat that was predestined-- carved on an ancient tome and locked deep beneath the earth for centuries-- we are joined by the one and only motherfuckin' goddamn SLAYYYTER in her podcasting debut. EVERYTHING is exposed. And you KNOW I mean our tits!
It's impossible to summarize just how important the content of this episode is. It's basically the fucking State of the Union address. We bond as new besties, dish on Slayyyter's highly decorated career, and talk Shamrock Shakes, masks, getting noise complaints, lip filler, and MORE.
But that's not all-- this is a good old fashioned Thot Topics episode too. We rail fat lines of the Linkedin pill and discuss Mitski asking people to stop using their phones so much at her shows. We settle every question imaginable: if no one's filming, how can you know if you're sexy? What if Beyonce said no phones? Are pop stars your little wage slaves? ALL is revealed.
Then, we establish firm guidelines for male fashion-- both for straight men and for gay "men." Is it ever appropriate for a man to wear a stretchy Chelsea boot? What's with gay guys wanting to wear fetish gear over normal outfits? We settle it once and for all. 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Eat our fish like Nobu on Patreon.
Follow Slayyyter on Twitter and Instagram. Stream her new album TROUBLED PARADISE and go see her on tour this summer. (We'll be there babe!)

Ukraine On Me!

Chernobyl you betta don't!
 
We're back for another solo episode and this week, we're Putin on the ritz and launching a full-scale ATTACK on Charli XCX. Crimea river!
 
But first, there's important business to attend to-- from reflecting on whether or not college was worth it, to revealing how much our rent is, to performing a wellness check on each other as we continue our new jobs. It's sisterly, you'll love.
 
Then, it's down to business- we discuss whether video games are bad for you. Can you play too much of them? Are they a waste of your life? Why is everyone "anti-hedonism"? What should men be doing instead? THEN-- we attempt to discuss Charli XCX's branded enema bulb merch, but get caught up in a disgusting and humiliating conversation about washing out your asshole. All in all, it's a real classic. As the Russians say, don't have 100 rubles-- have 100 sisters

Misters Before Sisters! (feat. Betsey Brown & Peter Vack)

Hey girl, what's Vack and Brown and CUNT all over? Just WAIT until you hear the answer...
We return for the first episode of SHAMROCK SHAKE SEASON to have the Thot Topics Barbara Walters Power Hour with stars, siblings, movers, shakers, and now canon members of the Thot Topics Universe-- BETSEY MUTHAFUCKIN BROWN and PETER GODDAMN VACK. We dive deep into Betsey's feature film debut "ACTORS" mere days before its theater debut. We've got it like that, babe. We talk breasts, babies, brothers, channeling the puss-factor, and getting too close to home IN YOUR OWN HOME!  Be warned that this episode does contain spoilers for the movie so proceed with caution...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. 
Follow Betsey on Instagram and Twitter.
Follow Peter on Instagram. 
For the girls who like homework...
Watch ASSHOLES (2017) and THE SCARY OF SIXTY FIRST (2021) 

M&Mpty Inside!

M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M Body crazy curvy wavy big titties little waist, M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M
 
Abuse: Do you deserve it? We hope you have a list of hotlines posted to your refrigerator because this one's gonna be a bumpy ride! BUT, not before we get some small potatoes out of the way. First, we perform a wellness check-- Cris reveals the dark dangers of working from home and how you can bring yourself back into the light, and both the girls take a stand for the power of interacting with strangers. Very healing stuff!
 
Then, we review some new music-- Grimes's comeback single "Shinigami Eyes" and Charli XCX's "Beg For You." We get to the bottom of why Rina Sawayama has such poisonous, evil energy; once again threaten Normani; and have a true SPAT over our final verdict on a song. Spicy!
 
Last but not least, we discuss the timeline's obsession with "lovebombing" and the inclusive rebrand of the M&Ms. Is the change to keep guys from whacking off to the green M&M, or to cover up child slavery? Is the red one or the orange one the one living with crippling PTSD from having a pretzel implanted? Is the brown one a dyke? ALL is revealed.
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. For every $4 you give us on Patreon we will attempt to catch an M&M in our mouth. If you're not subscribed, our very first patrons-only episode drops this weekend-- DON'T let that train leave the station without you babe.
 
New merch is still available! Get the classic Thot Topics Marlboro tee or our new Modelo Time design :)

Vodka Platonic!

We screwed the pooch on this one guys. My MacBook ran out of space while we were recording (but it didn't tell me that until AFTER we recorded for like 40 minutes) and now we're stuck with a sort of incomplete episode... but we didn't want to leave you hanging! The front half of this is a classique girls chat... and the back half, well... turn your volume up. At your own risk. LOL. May wind up keeping this one patrons-only but we'll see. The IKEA episode quality was WAYYYY worse.
I decided only to release the good-sounding stuff on the free feed. Have you ever wanted to pay for something and have it be worse? Well have I got news for you... 
The girls chat about the time Nick got heart surgery, recount all of their high school homecomings, and reveal what senior superlatives we were awarded. THEN, we get into some actual topics: first, we give our impressions of the girls on Season 14 (ugh) of Drag Race (UGHHHH). THEN, we discuss today's Twitter dogpile: does platonically kissing (or... doing other things) with your friends mean you have no boundaries? It's a real window to the past, this one...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Tip-a-hoe on Patreon. 

Crappy Jew Year! (feat. @goodboygremlin and @cockmurdock)

It's officially 2022, and we're resolving to TEAR!
 
In yet another triumphant return to form following a brief(ish) hiatus, we are back to take stock of all that went down in 2021-- from boiled cats, to gay throuples, to Nicki Minaj's couins balls. We really do it ALL. We run a fine-toothed comb through a meticulously constructed timeline of the past year-- and decide which events GAVE and which events WERE NOT GIVING. Obviously it's a lot of gay screaming and irrelevant bullshit but there are some real LESSONS to be learned... between the lines

Pedofeeling It!

Cuz when youuu're-- 15 and somebody tells you they love you, you gotta report themmm...
 
The girls face the end of the Year of the Ox-- and girl, you know they have to pull the cart, girl. We do a light bit of girly catch-up chitchat before launching into the week's most pressing matters. In what can only be described as an extremely pro-woman episode, we defend a woman's right to hate pornography, a woman's right to fall in love with a teen, and a woman's right to spontaneously grow comically large breasts.
 
We chat Billie Eilish's anti-porn crusade and the difference between the male relationship to porn and the female relationship to porn-- then formally announce that sex positivity is officially over. Then, we review the new Rebecca Black and Slayyyter collab "Read My Mind," and explain the value of having big tits in your heart rather than on your chest. Lastly, we discuss about the Licorice Pizza review that never was-- and how nobody knows how to do anything except look in the mirror. TRUST US, we get it.
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Be the girls on Patreon.