Thot Topics

The Dick, The S**t, and the Wardrobe!

In perhaps our most Cronenbergian episode of all time, we do a little bit of body-ody-ody horror as a treat. In an extravaganza of all things fecal, urinal, and genital, we skinny dip in the wet primordial ooze of human experience wearing nothing but a white crop top-- and emerge, nipples protruding.
This week, we talk about Meghan Trainor taking a shit adjacent to her husband-- and do an exposé on our own horror about bodily functions. What's the most compromising position it's OK for your partner to see you in? Is it *ever* okay to shit in the company of others? Should we de-normalize shitting?
Plus, we talk about the controversial Pitchfork rescores and the state of music criticism. And that's NOT all, if you can freakin' believe it-- we also talk about the rising phenomenon of gay guys wanting to protect the sanctity of butt sex-- by taking aim at the elusive trans gay guy. How do so many gay guys exist that don't have a place in functional society? What entitles someone to claim being a man? Is *dick* what makes people gay? 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Send us to psychoanalysis for our shit fear on Patreon.

Top 10 Gay Little Monkey Moments!

All aboard the Witness Wagon, and buckle up tight, cuz it's gonna be a BUMP-y ride...
It was a slow news week so the girls usher in October with a little bit of sisterly competition-- a definitive tier ranking of the female pop albums of the 2010's. This is our bread and fucking butter right here, so you DON'T want to miss it. We rank the girls of yesteryear based on quality, impact, and the Thot Topics "it" factor: namely, whether or not we can confidently say they "tore."
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Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod.

Rona Reloaded!

We're in the HIV Lane, we're in the HIV Lane, and YOU! Y-Y-YOU! Y-Y-YOU! SOUL TRAIN!
 
In a classic men-in-women's-business bonanza, the girls take a thrilling deep dive into fashion, fascists, and faggots! We review some of the looks from the Met Gala and wonder if next year should be the Het Gala so Dan Levy can't come; Nicki Minaj's fated run-in with the deep state and the heinous liberal media; and Lil Nas X's surprisingly OK debut album.
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Don't be roman retarded and subscribe on Patreon.

Peekaboo, ICU!

We require the clues, Steven… Deliver us the clues so we may feed…
 
Well girls, it’s just ME and YOU and MY DOG BLUE as we traverse the rocky terrain of culture once again. This week, we cover the new Lana track “Arcadia” and wonder if she is seeing everybody she knows as a car— plus give our thoughts on the Blue Banisters era overall. Then, we talk the Troye Sivan cum-back single “Angel Baby,” and try desperately to think of who might enjoy it. 
 
But that’s not all— we invite the OG Steve from Blues Clues into our home like he’s a vampire and allow him to trauma bond with us as we discuss Adult Toddler Syndrome. Last but not least we talk about Jimmy Fallon saying that unvaccinated people shouldn’t get ICU beds, and wonder who ELSE might not be entitled.
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOYand @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Run your hands over us like a Land Rover on Patreon.

RuPaul's Girl Race!

I'm not a girl... not yet a drag queen...
 
This week, we convene for an international crisis panel to address the troubling military occupation in the middle east-- and after much consideration, we've decided to TaliSTAN! With that settled, we dive into much more pressing issues affecting underserved populations: the new Lizzo and Cardi B song, Lorde's comeback album Solar Power, and Hasan Piker's $3 million dollar house.
 
But wait! There's soooo much more. We take on the OnlyFans porn ban and draw a big, hard, veiny and throbbing line in the sand on sex work; plus, we talk about the casting of a cis woman on the upcoming season of Drag Race UK. We wonder: can women do drag? (No) Is drag even worth defending? (Also maybe not, but we'll let YOU decide) We let the A/C unit run and let our freak flags fly as we uncover the answers.
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Match us with the right college for free on Patreon.

Bring Your Child to Steamworks Day! (feat. Rare Candy)

The planet's getting hotter and hotter, sexy and hotter, let's shut it down!
We're joined by the elegant, demure, emotionally complicated and tantalizing G Rock and Crypto Psi of the Rare Candy podcast for a riveting roundtable of global proportions. We discuss Tan France's new baby and whether or not there needs to be a mom; the UN's climate change red alert and being haunted by your litter like in the Campbell's soup commercial; and lastly, a crash course in hyperpop as Charli XCX warns of its end. We use Glen Rockney's palette as the ultimate taste test-- who transcends the boundaries of niche gay club songs, and who fails? We talk Ayesha Erotica, Charli herself, Slayyyter, SOPHIE, 100 gecs and GFOTY. 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Follow the Rare Candy Boys and listen to Rare muthafuckin' Candy. Find our beach on Patreon.

Fatt Gaymon!

Oh my God, somebody HELP! Matt Damon is chasing me down the street and calling me a fucking FAGGOT!
Welcome back to our Barbie Dream House of cosmic justice to all little thotties and recent converts. We welcome you with open, warm, and supple bosom to take a look back at all things gay-as-in-stupid online this week. We're sorry we took a little break, but we explain our brief sabbatical in extensive detail. Now take your bra off, throw on a nightgown, and grab a pillow-- it's about to get naughty!!
This week, we discuss the gay equivalent of storming the beach at Normandy, AKA the death of fleets on Twitter; DaBaby's totally valid and possibly even true feelings on gay men with AIDS; Lil Nas X's beautiful dark twisted prison shower fantasy; whether Jack Harlow is hot; and finally provide a definitive list of who is and who is not allowed to say "the f-slur." It's chock full of flavor-- take a BIG, DECADENT, SINFUL bite, and then spit it out. Every calorie counts!!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Help us financially recover from Matt Damon's abuses on Patreon. 

Gopiss Girls!

You know you love us... XOXO, The Thot Topics Girls...
Peppa who? Pig girl. We're back with a vengeance to review the dreaded Gossip Girl reboot, and it's a boot indeed. We answer all the burning questions: Can you make a good TV drama that revolves around iPhones? Is this literally just The Shade Room? Is it actually better to cast horny teens that are actually teens? ALL is revealed.
Plus, we illegally enter the White House rose garden to confront Olivia Rodrigo over her "collab" with Joe Biden. We discuss whether we regret being vaccinated, but are soon sidetracked by all the times that we have lied to Uber drivers.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make us the newest members of Manhattan's elite on Patreon.
It's not too late to buy merch! We had to jack up the prices a little bit because of supply shortages but we promise we'll get everything to you ASAP. 

Edward Vaginafingers! (feat. @yourfriendmyles)

On the first day, God fucked him all night. On the second day, God fucked him all day. On the third day, God fucked him on sight. On the fourth day, God fucked him all ways. We come to you in radical faith to spread His word. Amen, baby.
The Thot Topics e-lounge was starting to collect dust so we decided to shake out the curtains and let in the LIGHT, better known as beloved Twitter gay and friend of the pod MYLES for an excruciatingly thorough girls chat of Byzantine proportions. 
First, we unpack feeling gaslit by the Azealia Banks comeback single "Fuck Him All Night." THEN, we discuss the CDC warning on poppers and the subsequent faggot panic: Nick unveils some childhood trauma and the girls settle the great Poppers debate once and for all in the process. Last but not least, we take on QUEERBAITING (!!!) Can women even do it? What makes men do it besides weird exhibitionist kinks? ALL is revealed-- especially our breasts.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Donate to the American Poppers Lobby on Patreon.
Follow the lovely and kindhearted Myles @yourfriendmyles.

Is This Seat Theyken?

Oh fuck!! I just spilled genderfluid all over the IKEA loveseat! Sure would be a shame if someone were to... soak it up... with THEIR big ass...
We took a little break, but now it's back to us. The docket is long. The docket is thick. The docket will not be important in three days. GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT. After a riveting discussion of our teenage employment histories, we launch into the nitty-gritty: first, the IKEA pride couches. Which one would be the most comfortable for a nap? Which niche gender has the best style? What would the gay guy couch REALLY look like?
Then, we take a firm stance on the Delta Variant (known to the medical community as the Derrick Barryant), Freeing Britney, and Lil Nas X's Egyptacular gay performance. 
OUR SUMMER MERCH LINE IS OUT!! Cop you a piece right now at thottopics.bigcartel.com. Use promo code BIGKAHUNA for a free I ❤️ Bussy wristband with the order of any T-shirt. 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Help us buy a sound effects machine on Patreon.