Thot Topics

Edward Vaginafingers! (feat. @yourfriendmyles)

On the first day, God fucked him all night. On the second day, God fucked him all day. On the third day, God fucked him on sight. On the fourth day, God fucked him all ways. We come to you in radical faith to spread His word. Amen, baby.
The Thot Topics e-lounge was starting to collect dust so we decided to shake out the curtains and let in the LIGHT, better known as beloved Twitter gay and friend of the pod MYLES for an excruciatingly thorough girls chat of Byzantine proportions. 
First, we unpack feeling gaslit by the Azealia Banks comeback single "Fuck Him All Night." THEN, we discuss the CDC warning on poppers and the subsequent faggot panic: Nick unveils some childhood trauma and the girls settle the great Poppers debate once and for all in the process. Last but not least, we take on QUEERBAITING (!!!) Can women even do it? What makes men do it besides weird exhibitionist kinks? ALL is revealed-- especially our breasts.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Donate to the American Poppers Lobby on Patreon.
Follow the lovely and kindhearted Myles @yourfriendmyles.

Is This Seat Theyken?

Oh fuck!! I just spilled genderfluid all over the IKEA loveseat! Sure would be a shame if someone were to... soak it up... with THEIR big ass...
We took a little break, but now it's back to us. The docket is long. The docket is thick. The docket will not be important in three days. GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT. After a riveting discussion of our teenage employment histories, we launch into the nitty-gritty: first, the IKEA pride couches. Which one would be the most comfortable for a nap? Which niche gender has the best style? What would the gay guy couch REALLY look like?
Then, we take a firm stance on the Delta Variant (known to the medical community as the Derrick Barryant), Freeing Britney, and Lil Nas X's Egyptacular gay performance. 
OUR SUMMER MERCH LINE IS OUT!! Cop you a piece right now at thottopics.bigcartel.com. Use promo code BIGKAHUNA for a free I ❤️ Bussy wristband with the order of any T-shirt. 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Help us buy a sound effects machine on Patreon.

Thotline: ReLOADed!

You better axe somebody! (That somebody being us!)
 
We welcome our precious, misguided and predominantly gay male listeners onto the back porch for an in-depth therapy session for the second THOTLINE episode. After a riveting conversation about various fast sandwich chains, we launch into our listener's quandaries. We explore our listener base's psyche with an emphasis on CUNT: CARING for the broken spirit. UNLEARNING our psychic traumas. N-GAGING on a human level, and TASTING an assortment of snacking cheeses. It's a tried and true method informed by Jung, Lacan, and the mom who is a therapist in Love, Simon.
 
We cover a lot of ground here, folks: How does one motivate themselves to get social again after being a Covid shut-in? Is it okay to be gay and not want to fuck and suck all the time? What should you do if your romantic interest has taken to wearing statement hats? Is Jack Antonoff a total psyop? All of this and MORE is laid bare, sweetheart.
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod.  Make our hotline bling on Patreon.

Ace and Based!

What's black and brown and intersex all over? Wait, I think I fucked that up...
 
In one of the sweatiest episodes of all time, the girls return after a weeklong sabbatical to tackle this year's truly monstrous early pride-month discourse while eating a military ready-to-eat meal. We take on the NEW new pride flag piece by r-worded piece, from the new intersex circle, to the trans colors, to the black and brown stripes, diagnosing each group with a disease of the spirit. Then, we endure Nina West's Blue's Clues pride parade video, and finally decide whether gay people should be on TV at all.
 
But that's not all: is it still hard to be gay? What's the gayest branch of the military? Are adults entitled to express their sexuality once they have kids? (No) It's an extremely juicy one.
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Crack us open an ice cold Michelobeon on Patreon.
 
Don't forget to submit your questions to the THOTLINE for next week's episode: ThotTopicsPod@gmail.com or call us at (872) 239-6261.

Themme Fatales!

CALLING ALL PSYCHOS!! The Thot Topics THOTLINE is officially open once again!! We need more of your burning love and sex questions, your career dilemmas, your complex psychodramas, and your bad takes by phone and by email to be addressed on an upcoming episode. Call in at (872) 239-6261 or email us at ThotTopicsPod@gmail.com.
 
Welcome to the Thot Topics Gender Terrorism and Trauma Bonding Hour. Join us as we crack open an ice cold Genderbeer and take smooth, slow sips and feel the septum piercing grow in.
 
This week, the girls talk about Demi Lovato's nonbinary coming-out, why gender is falling out of style, the new and improved *racially charged* Pride discourse, the Lollapalooza lineup, and the worst Drag Race cast in history! It's a spicy one, ladies.
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Ass and titties. Ass and titties. Ass and titties on Patreon.

White Gay Summit! (feat. Will Tanski)

Calling all white gays! Now is the time to make your voice HEARD! Take your ass out and paint #BLM on it! Draw a hammer and sickle on your abs! Drop a Gofundme link under a picture of you wearing nothing but a loincloth! Rise UP and do what must be done to save America!
The girls are joined in the Thot Topics plus-size creators headquarters by the one and only It Gay on Twitter, TikTok and beyond, Will Tanski! We clear the floor and allow him to clear his name over multiple CRISP cans of Zest Tea. What makes people online want to punish hot and fun people? What's so wrong about bringing man-titties to the game of opera? Does he REALLY not work out? ALL is revealed.
Then, we take on a thread of Crazy Gay Guy Greatest Hits-- the official canon of insane "problematic" gay Twitter takes. We get to the root of the issue and decide once and for all-- do they belong in jail, or did they have a point? We hit all the big gay classics: Age gaps! Fucking at pride! Virtue signaling! Being fat! Someone should put us in charge of something, honestly.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Say "Gay RIGHTS!" once and for all on Patreon.
Follow Will on Twitter @willtanski and Instagram @wjtanski. 

CDC This Dick!

It's just the girls once more and this time, it's fucking mask OFF!
It was a busy week for music so we run (it's really more of a brisk jog) down the list of the most hyped releases of the week with no sports bra on. (Look out, you're in the splash zone!) We REDUCE Nicki Minaj's "Fractions," LIGHT UP Katy Perry's Pokemon movie theme "Electric," HUMILIATE Olivia Rodrigo, and say some nice things about Billie Eillish. It's a good time.
Then, we brace ourselves for the imminent reboot of Gossip Girl, and its showrunner's promise that the new version will feature no slut-shaming, fat-shaming or physical fights. Okay babe...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make us start seein' green on Patreon.
Read Nick's interview with Slayyyter in PopMatters.

The Azealiathon! (feat. Zach Langley Chi Chi)

BWET? You don't have to ask us twice!!!
 
Three teenage Veronas (the girls AND returning guest, our favorite diva Zach from I'm So Popular pod!) do what historians, community leaders, music journalists, and the international courts weren't brave enough to do: we catalogue the full oral history of Azealia Banks controversies, cultural flashpoints, and iconic showdowns. From Elon and Grimes, to Kreayshawn and Cardi, we set the stage for each Banksian battle and decide who was right in the end-- either the cultural shaman Azealia, or her assailants. 
 
YOUR WIFE CAN'T READ!!!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. 
 
Follow Zach on Twitter and stream I'm So Popular. 

Britney Dreams Do Come True! (feat. Miss Madeline)

Hey! (Hey!) What are you up to? (Mm, not much.) So I heard of this place, and it sounds like a dream... LETS FUCKING GO!!!!!
The dolls are joined in the Jacuzzi of the Spirit by the inimitable pop starlet MISS MADELINE for an in-depth discush of all things bubblegum-flavored, champagne-soaked, and bikini-clad. It's truly a girls' chat for the books. After getting our gay little fangirling out of the way, we get down to business: Does art lie beyond cringe? How do you take a stand for artistry in the face of TikTok gimmicks? Is the bimboification trend a return to female instincts? Can a human being alive name a single winner of The Voice? If Y2K aesthetics are over, what's next? ALL is revealed, especially our tits.
Plus, we get the oral history of Miss Madeline: standing by a parked Corvette until the owner returned and demanding a photoshoot inside it; taking the Business of Stupid deadly serious; and pushing the vision of a pop star into a sick, twisted and sexy future. CHEERS, bitches.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Write us a love song (fuck it, an album) on Patreon.
Follow Miss Madeline on Twitter, Instagram, and stream her genius discography on Spotify and Apple Music. 

What Gus Kenworthy's Pussy Does to a MF! (feat. @chlumbucket)

No matter black, white, beige, chola, or orient, you are welcome at Thot Topics!
The girls are joined LIVE in the stu' with one of our favorite Chicago via NYC sisters Frank AKA @chlumbucket AKA Prolapsed Catholic! In an episode that can only be described as powerful and intentional female trauma-bonding, the ladies confront their demons, expunge their spiritual debts, and get them titties out once and for all. 
First, we review the new MARINA's state of the union address "Purge the Poison," and wonder if it's just regular bad or the ravings of a schizophrenic genius. Then, we welcome former Bachelor Colton Underwood out from the closet and into the light, and discuss his forthcoming Netflix show with "gay guide" Gus Kenworthy. Is there ANOTHER man up to the task of opening sweet Colton's eyes to the harsh realities of his new life? 
Lastly, we strap on our sexy once-piece lifeguard suits and take a deep dive into Lady Gaga's ARTPOP-- unpacking the psychology of the woman herself, and wonder what makes it so much more embarrassing than other "gay music."
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Take us to your planet on Patreon.
Follow Frank on Twitter @chlumbucket.