Thot Topics

What Gus Kenworthy's Pussy Does to a MF! (feat. @chlumbucket)

No matter black, white, beige, chola, or orient, you are welcome at Thot Topics!
The girls are joined LIVE in the stu' with one of our favorite Chicago via NYC sisters Frank AKA @chlumbucket AKA Prolapsed Catholic! In an episode that can only be described as powerful and intentional female trauma-bonding, the ladies confront their demons, expunge their spiritual debts, and get them titties out once and for all. 
First, we review the new MARINA's state of the union address "Purge the Poison," and wonder if it's just regular bad or the ravings of a schizophrenic genius. Then, we welcome former Bachelor Colton Underwood out from the closet and into the light, and discuss his forthcoming Netflix show with "gay guide" Gus Kenworthy. Is there ANOTHER man up to the task of opening sweet Colton's eyes to the harsh realities of his new life? 
Lastly, we strap on our sexy once-piece lifeguard suits and take a deep dive into Lady Gaga's ARTPOP-- unpacking the psychology of the woman herself, and wonder what makes it so much more embarrassing than other "gay music."
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Take us to your planet on Patreon.
Follow Frank on Twitter @chlumbucket.

The Devil And God Are Railing Inside Me!

{Meghan Trainor voice} If, I was you, I'd wanna get MeToo'd ♫
 
These really IS bloody shoes! In an episode full of satanic panic, human blood, and the uniquely breathable Calvin Klein One boxer briefs, we open our third eye (not that one, sicko!) to take a closer look at Lil Nasferatu Prince of Darkness's spicy new video for "Montero" and deduce who winds up with egg on their face: God, the devil, or US! I hope they serve queers in hell!
 
But that's not all: we also review the totally Raetarded "Obsessed," from TikTok's most polarizing set of breasts Addison Rae. Then, buss open the moral and ethical pussy of TikTok choreography: who "owns" it baby? We also discuss Ariana Grande's choice to strap on the dunce cap and take a seat on The Voice panel-- was this her destiny all along? (Yes.)
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Ensure our safe return to the garden of she-den on Patreon.

Krispy Covid AKA The Passover Special!

LIVE from the Men in Women's Business Conference, it's Thot Topics baby!
For the first time in a long while, it's just the girls coming together over some pretzel chips and purple Gatorade to get into the hottest issues of the week. Both of our pets got sick this week so we recount the TAIL in excruciating detail and touch base, yknow, as sisters.
Not much time is wasted before we unpack Lil Mama's proposed Heterosexual Rights Movement against LGBT Internet bullies. Can you grow tits from touching too many receipts? Should gay guys just marry ugly chicks and have a slampig on the side? Who REALLY should've won America's Best Dance Crew? All is revealed.
Then, we talk about Krispy Kreme's free donut deal for the vaccinated-- and wonder for how much less we'd sell our morals. PLUS, we talk Keiynan Lonsdale's "tree/treeself" preferred pronouns. At first we thought we should LEAF it alone, but we decided to go NUTS!
AND this high holiday weekend episode would not be complete without a retelling of the story of Passover. We get to the bottom of what REALLY happened when the girls fled Egypt and put it on a period hoe. 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Buy us an additional Krispy Kreme donut on Patreon.

Itty Bitty Kitty Committee! (feat. Kitty)

Just snorted a pill, feelin' goooood!
The gals are joined by none other than singer, rapper, producer, label owner, former e-girl and current it-girl KITTY for a once-in-a-generation girls' chat. Careers are documented, names are NAMED with no hesitation, Diet Dr. Pepper is absolutely slammed and NOTHING is off the table. Point blank, babe.
First, we catalog Kitty's discography in excruciating detail, from Okay Cupid to Charm and Mirror, and things are kept strictly buck: Are white girl rappers the harbinger of an empire in decline? Why is it stupid to write lyrics first? And that's not all: scamming ass producers, shitty boyfriends, an elite ring of airline baggage thieves, and a music video director whose parents were on set. Every era is cracked open sisters!
Then, we give Kitty the Thot Topics experience and review the week's new singles. We talk Justin Bieber's protestant banger "Hold On," psychoanalyze Gwen Stefani's "Slow Clap" and get to the evil heart at the center of [non-rap game] Taylor Swift's re-recorded "Love Story."
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Count all our starfish on Patreon.
Follow Kitty on Twitter @kittaveli and her label Pretty Wavvy on YouTube.

Rosemary's Bestie! (feat. @goodboygremlin)

Girls... I'm not really even sure what to say about this one...
We WERE joined by the iconic Jordan AKA @goodboygremlin on Twitter for the bitchfest of a lifetime regarding Nick being bullied for being PrEPphobic-- but we forgot to press record and literally flapped our nasty little gums for AN HOUR before realizing that we were not recording anything whatsoever. 
But God guides our hands when we need it most, and we're pretty sure that we're left with something far better: over an hour of three young women keeping it buck, 100, and totally real with each other in an uncertain world.
First, Jordan joins the elite team of Thot Topics legal eagles in order to get to the bottom of why asexuals, aromantics and pansexuals are not protected by the new Equality Act. Then, the girls come bravely forth in defense of throuples and their right to have a baby-- but not before deciding which of them might be most qualified to have a baby themselves. And that's not all: panties with pearls for a crotch, Aromantic Hooters, which Powerpuff Girl they would be, when the last time they cried was, Super Follows, what song they would perform on American Idol if forced, and how often they're clocked as gay. It's erotic; it's medically accurate; it's Thot Topics baby!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make the Incomparable House of Pancakes a reality on Patreon.
Follow the good gremlin on Twitter @goodboygremlin.

Welcome to Bushwick AKA The Jackcident! (feat. Jack, The Perfume Nationalist)

In this house, we believe: Jack Lives Matter, Lena Dunham rights are human rights, Azealia Banks is Jewish, science is gay, love is pussy, and kindness is cunt. And like it or not, house rules are in FULL effect. Run and tell that!
The divas are joined by Jack from The Perfume Nationalist for a divalicious roundtable on all things fly, hot, and sexy. When did it become unremarkable to hear Lady Gaga playing at CVS? What makes people want to call Lana Del Rey a white supremacist? Is Tony Soprano hot, or are there too many scenes of him diarrhea shitting? We ask, and God provides the answers.
In the main event, in what can only be described as Gay Men's Business, the gals deliver the ultimate defense of both Lena Dunham AND Girls-- cataloguing their favorite episodes, which characters they relate to most, and the lie you people tell yourselves when you say you hate Lena. 
Plus, we get Jack to come out as a Carrie/Hannah. You're welcome!!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. All we are asking for is $1,100 dollars, a month, for the next two years on Patreon. 
Follow Jack @lotus__point, and support TPN on Patreon, as all adventurous women do.

Sherry Me Alive!

According to the Chinese, it's officially the year of the AUX, and baby we're playing motherfuckin' Fergie! Hop in our low-riding Hyundai of truth, purity, and justice and come with us on the ride of a lifetime. 
In an even sexier episode than usual, we take TikTok gender theorists to task over women's right to gay porn. Then, we discuss the second cumming of Sherry Pie on the Tamron Hall show, and wonder if the whole thing is a psyop to try and get gay actors more roles. Last but not least, we take on the #HELPSAI Gofundme scam, and what happens when idpol collides with a website that encourages straight-up lying.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Fight for your right to party on Patreon.

Jackie of All Trade! (feat. @jackies_backie)

In a truly Dorian Electrifying double-wide episode, the girls are joined by the one and only motherfucking JACKIE!!! (@jackies_backie) In a star-crossed meeting of the minds, extremely powerful discourse is born almost immediately: Does dating a member of the Rihanna navy make you a military wife? What is the name of the secretary from Monsters Inc? HAVE YOU CHECKED THE CHILDREN?...
Then, it's down to business, and we go travel Backie in time and pay a visit to Rebecca Black (was tempted to rhyme here but I'm pretty sure it'd be a slur?) in a truly riveting review of her 10th anniversary remix of her song "Friday." Plus, where do we go after hyperpop burns through all of the "XD RANDOMSAUCE" references of the 2010's?
And finally, we turn our eyes to this season of Drag Race-- giving our completely sexy and correct stances on not only the contestants, but the state of reality TV in general. It's THAT serious. Believe that.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Donate to the national fund for Rihanna Navy Wives on Patreon. 
 

Starbies of Bethlehem! (feat. Group Project)

In the second part of the crossover event that critics are calling "spiritually troubling" and "darksided," the divas open their hearts to none other than John and Clarke from Group Project podcast! Before you can cross this point, you are contractually obligated to listen to part one on their show wherever high-quality Internet radio is found

Night at the IKEA!

Can you believe we're one year old!?! Only seventeen more years, boys. They just keep getting younger, huh?
For our anniversary episode, we make the holy pilgrimage to the Thot Topics Mecca: IKEA. We follow the winding paths in search of truth, liberty, justice, and most importantly: a freakin' bargain!
Advance warning that we are definitely "queering" audio quality on this one. It's a complex experimental listening experience-- a beautiful one, if you have the stomach for it. We certainly do-- 36 inch waists, baby. 
We attempt to discuss Olivia Rodrigo's Bizaardvark rise to fame, Sloppy Joe's inauguration, and tech censorship-- but mostly we wind up describing the wares of the IKEA storerooms in excruciating detail.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Reserve a seat for our next shopping trip on Patreon.