Thot Topics

Itty Bitty Kitty Committee! (feat. Kitty)

Just snorted a pill, feelin' goooood!
The gals are joined by none other than singer, rapper, producer, label owner, former e-girl and current it-girl KITTY for a once-in-a-generation girls' chat. Careers are documented, names are NAMED with no hesitation, Diet Dr. Pepper is absolutely slammed and NOTHING is off the table. Point blank, babe.
First, we catalog Kitty's discography in excruciating detail, from Okay Cupid to Charm and Mirror, and things are kept strictly buck: Are white girl rappers the harbinger of an empire in decline? Why is it stupid to write lyrics first? And that's not all: scamming ass producers, shitty boyfriends, an elite ring of airline baggage thieves, and a music video director whose parents were on set. Every era is cracked open sisters!
Then, we give Kitty the Thot Topics experience and review the week's new singles. We talk Justin Bieber's protestant banger "Hold On," psychoanalyze Gwen Stefani's "Slow Clap" and get to the evil heart at the center of [non-rap game] Taylor Swift's re-recorded "Love Story."
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Count all our starfish on Patreon.
Follow Kitty on Twitter @kittaveli and her label Pretty Wavvy on YouTube.

Rosemary's Bestie! (feat. @goodboygremlin)

Girls... I'm not really even sure what to say about this one...
We WERE joined by the iconic Jordan AKA @goodboygremlin on Twitter for the bitchfest of a lifetime regarding Nick being bullied for being PrEPphobic-- but we forgot to press record and literally flapped our nasty little gums for AN HOUR before realizing that we were not recording anything whatsoever. 
But God guides our hands when we need it most, and we're pretty sure that we're left with something far better: over an hour of three young women keeping it buck, 100, and totally real with each other in an uncertain world.
First, Jordan joins the elite team of Thot Topics legal eagles in order to get to the bottom of why asexuals, aromantics and pansexuals are not protected by the new Equality Act. Then, the girls come bravely forth in defense of throuples and their right to have a baby-- but not before deciding which of them might be most qualified to have a baby themselves. And that's not all: panties with pearls for a crotch, Aromantic Hooters, which Powerpuff Girl they would be, when the last time they cried was, Super Follows, what song they would perform on American Idol if forced, and how often they're clocked as gay. It's erotic; it's medically accurate; it's Thot Topics baby!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Make the Incomparable House of Pancakes a reality on Patreon.
Follow the good gremlin on Twitter @goodboygremlin.

Welcome to Bushwick AKA The Jackcident! (feat. Jack, The Perfume Nationalist)

In this house, we believe: Jack Lives Matter, Lena Dunham rights are human rights, Azealia Banks is Jewish, science is gay, love is pussy, and kindness is cunt. And like it or not, house rules are in FULL effect. Run and tell that!
The divas are joined by Jack from The Perfume Nationalist for a divalicious roundtable on all things fly, hot, and sexy. When did it become unremarkable to hear Lady Gaga playing at CVS? What makes people want to call Lana Del Rey a white supremacist? Is Tony Soprano hot, or are there too many scenes of him diarrhea shitting? We ask, and God provides the answers.
In the main event, in what can only be described as Gay Men's Business, the gals deliver the ultimate defense of both Lena Dunham AND Girls-- cataloguing their favorite episodes, which characters they relate to most, and the lie you people tell yourselves when you say you hate Lena. 
Plus, we get Jack to come out as a Carrie/Hannah. You're welcome!!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. All we are asking for is $1,100 dollars, a month, for the next two years on Patreon. 
Follow Jack @lotus__point, and support TPN on Patreon, as all adventurous women do.

Sherry Me Alive!

According to the Chinese, it's officially the year of the AUX, and baby we're playing motherfuckin' Fergie! Hop in our low-riding Hyundai of truth, purity, and justice and come with us on the ride of a lifetime. 
In an even sexier episode than usual, we take TikTok gender theorists to task over women's right to gay porn. Then, we discuss the second cumming of Sherry Pie on the Tamron Hall show, and wonder if the whole thing is a psyop to try and get gay actors more roles. Last but not least, we take on the #HELPSAI Gofundme scam, and what happens when idpol collides with a website that encourages straight-up lying.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Fight for your right to party on Patreon.

Jackie of All Trade! (feat. @jackies_backie)

In a truly Dorian Electrifying double-wide episode, the girls are joined by the one and only motherfucking JACKIE!!! (@jackies_backie) In a star-crossed meeting of the minds, extremely powerful discourse is born almost immediately: Does dating a member of the Rihanna navy make you a military wife? What is the name of the secretary from Monsters Inc? HAVE YOU CHECKED THE CHILDREN?...
Then, it's down to business, and we go travel Backie in time and pay a visit to Rebecca Black (was tempted to rhyme here but I'm pretty sure it'd be a slur?) in a truly riveting review of her 10th anniversary remix of her song "Friday." Plus, where do we go after hyperpop burns through all of the "XD RANDOMSAUCE" references of the 2010's?
And finally, we turn our eyes to this season of Drag Race-- giving our completely sexy and correct stances on not only the contestants, but the state of reality TV in general. It's THAT serious. Believe that.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Donate to the national fund for Rihanna Navy Wives on Patreon. 
 

Starbies of Bethlehem! (feat. Group Project)

In the second part of the crossover event that critics are calling "spiritually troubling" and "darksided," the divas open their hearts to none other than John and Clarke from Group Project podcast! Before you can cross this point, you are contractually obligated to listen to part one on their show wherever high-quality Internet radio is found

Night at the IKEA!

Can you believe we're one year old!?! Only seventeen more years, boys. They just keep getting younger, huh?
For our anniversary episode, we make the holy pilgrimage to the Thot Topics Mecca: IKEA. We follow the winding paths in search of truth, liberty, justice, and most importantly: a freakin' bargain!
Advance warning that we are definitely "queering" audio quality on this one. It's a complex experimental listening experience-- a beautiful one, if you have the stomach for it. We certainly do-- 36 inch waists, baby. 
We attempt to discuss Olivia Rodrigo's Bizaardvark rise to fame, Sloppy Joe's inauguration, and tech censorship-- but mostly we wind up describing the wares of the IKEA storerooms in excruciating detail.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Reserve a seat for our next shopping trip on Patreon.

J.Lo of the Jungle!

Shake some ass you sexy juicy faggots! The Thot Topics WETland safari is about to embark on the expedition of a lifetime. Cats and cannibals and chemtrails: oh me, oh my!
First, the girls give their take on the "events" that "unfolded" at the Capitol. Spoiler alert: it's literally the most salient analysis you will ever hear on the situation. More importantly, we decide once and for all whether or not it was okay to think that guy in the viking costume was hot.
We also take off our turquoise AND all of our jewels to review the new Lana single-- and make our predictions for the remainder of the COCC era.
Then, AT LONG LAST, it's finally Hammer time: we discuss Armie's alleged cannibalism/blood fetish-- and in related territory, whether Azealia's cat stew was the purrfect fancy feast. Let's go bananas!!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Watch this ass clap on Patreon.
 

Pussy: For Men!

Oh fuck, oh no... we think we left our pussy in our other jeans. God dammit! We hate when this happens, we're so forgetful. Can you gives us a minute? We might have a travel-size in our purse...
For the first time in what seems like forever, and certainly for the first time in 2021, it's just. us. girls. And boy did we have a lot of pent-up psychosis. First, we look back on 2020 AND look to the future with our new years' resolutions.
But it's not all about us: we flex our clapback at the Flo Milli x Beats AAVE struggle commercial and recast AOC in it, we take a stance once and for all against gay actors and their so-called "rights," AND whether straight men should be forced to buy women's products if they want anything that isn't a toolkit or a spare tire. Amen and awomen hunty!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Kick a lil' somethin' for the G's on Patreon.

Paul Me Maybe! (feat. Paul Cupo)

It's a new year, and though it may be out with the old and in with the new, some things NEVER muthafuckin' change-- specifically, a good old fashioned sexy and stimulating girls' chat-- and this week, we have one with none other than THEE Paul Cupo from Not Really!
As balls prepare to drop throughout the country, we purge the remaining demons of the year over a FRESH can of Squirt (a drink that Paul did not know existed). We discuss our new years' resolutions, expanding the definition of "tearing it," tanning, funemployment, and literally the homeless.
But that's not all-- we swan dive into the Thot Topics mail bag and emerge dripping wet with listener "questions," successfully soothing the deeply tortured psyche of our audience. Does your amazing complex sex life with an attractive and rich older man make you feel like you're literally in prison? Do you find that you're always having sex with gay guys? And, like, do you LOVE God? All is revealed in a tight 74 minutes.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod.
Follow Paul @GayCrossfit. Listen to Paul & Patrik on Not Really Podcast and subscribe to their Patreon.