Thot Topics

J.Lo of the Jungle!

Shake some ass you sexy juicy faggots! The Thot Topics WETland safari is about to embark on the expedition of a lifetime. Cats and cannibals and chemtrails: oh me, oh my!
First, the girls give their take on the "events" that "unfolded" at the Capitol. Spoiler alert: it's literally the most salient analysis you will ever hear on the situation. More importantly, we decide once and for all whether or not it was okay to think that guy in the viking costume was hot.
We also take off our turquoise AND all of our jewels to review the new Lana single-- and make our predictions for the remainder of the COCC era.
Then, AT LONG LAST, it's finally Hammer time: we discuss Armie's alleged cannibalism/blood fetish-- and in related territory, whether Azealia's cat stew was the purrfect fancy feast. Let's go bananas!!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Watch this ass clap on Patreon.
 

Pussy: For Men!

Oh fuck, oh no... we think we left our pussy in our other jeans. God dammit! We hate when this happens, we're so forgetful. Can you gives us a minute? We might have a travel-size in our purse...
For the first time in what seems like forever, and certainly for the first time in 2021, it's just. us. girls. And boy did we have a lot of pent-up psychosis. First, we look back on 2020 AND look to the future with our new years' resolutions.
But it's not all about us: we flex our clapback at the Flo Milli x Beats AAVE struggle commercial and recast AOC in it, we take a stance once and for all against gay actors and their so-called "rights," AND whether straight men should be forced to buy women's products if they want anything that isn't a toolkit or a spare tire. Amen and awomen hunty!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Kick a lil' somethin' for the G's on Patreon.

Paul Me Maybe! (feat. Paul Cupo)

It's a new year, and though it may be out with the old and in with the new, some things NEVER muthafuckin' change-- specifically, a good old fashioned sexy and stimulating girls' chat-- and this week, we have one with none other than THEE Paul Cupo from Not Really!
As balls prepare to drop throughout the country, we purge the remaining demons of the year over a FRESH can of Squirt (a drink that Paul did not know existed). We discuss our new years' resolutions, expanding the definition of "tearing it," tanning, funemployment, and literally the homeless.
But that's not all-- we swan dive into the Thot Topics mail bag and emerge dripping wet with listener "questions," successfully soothing the deeply tortured psyche of our audience. Does your amazing complex sex life with an attractive and rich older man make you feel like you're literally in prison? Do you find that you're always having sex with gay guys? And, like, do you LOVE God? All is revealed in a tight 74 minutes.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod.
Follow Paul @GayCrossfit. Listen to Paul & Patrik on Not Really Podcast and subscribe to their Patreon.
 

Popular Thot Revolution Pt. 2 AKA The Boys Who Lived! (feat. Twink Revolution and Zach Langley Chi-Chi)

We know the title's a mouthful, but we think you've all proven you can take it like a man!
This episode is the Lucky Pierre in the pillow-bitingly girthy three-part crossover POPULAR THOT REVOLUTION in which Twink Revolution, Thot Topics, and I'm So Popular recap the year of our lord 2020 in excruciating detail. Here, we talk May through August: to hear Part 1, follow your nose to Twink Revolution; to hear Part 3, offer yourself at the altar of I'm So Popular.
This week, the ladies have a meat-and-greet with some of the juiciest and cuntiest podcasters this side of the Mississippi AND the Pacific! We're joined by the boys of Twink Revolution AND Zach Langley Chi-Chi of I'm So Popular podcast for a recap of all the things you forgot about the middle months of 2020. Who got cancelled? Who got pregnant? Who got us pregnant? You already know your questions are answered.
We talk Black Lives Mattering, JK Rowling Terfgate, Lana Del Rey's bear titties, WAP, Pride being cancelled and yet still taking over Twitter discourse, Hunter Biden's dick, James Charles, and so much more. Merry Christmastime... Happy holidays...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Contribute to our diet soda fund on Patreon.
Follow Twink Revolution on Twitter @RevGiant and @twnkforchrist69, and listen to their show wherever podcasts are procured.
Follow Zach Langley Chi-Chi on Twitter @asukahomo, and use your little noggin to find where to listen to I'm So Popular.

The Bitch That Tore Christmas!

This week, we take a festive load of holiday spirit to the face. You better believe that the sleigh bells are ringaling AND ring-ting-tingaling to boot. We slip on velveteen footie pajamas and leave the zipper low enough to make the whole family uncomfortable. 
If Santa can bring toys to all the children in the world in a single night, then we can cover the week's online drama with just as much conviction.
We get to the bottom of whether you need to be "intelligent" and "not Mexican" to understand Taylor Swift's music... We fulfill Manifest Breastiny and restore Cottagecore valor to its rightful owners... We climb aboard a plane headed for a brighter LGBTQIA+ future (and get gay married along the way)... We boldly come forth to declare that Rain On Me Lives Matter at the Grindr Awards... AND!!! (motherfucker, AND!!!!) we take on the great Pornhub purge of 2020. It's lit like the tree, girl.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Fill up our "stockings" on Patreon.
HOUSEKEEPING: Make sure to call in to the Thot Topics THOTLINE before the 28th! We have a very special guest helping us fix your life. Email your dilemmas to ThotTopicsPod@gmail.com or leave a voicemail at (872) 239-6261.
Merch orders are shipping out before the weekend! 
Bear with us on the audio. I just got a new laptop and I'm still figuring out how to navigate this horrible Garageband update lol. 

Folkwhores! (feat. Hot Local Singles)

Picture this, bitch: four Completely Krazy homosexuals combine their powers on the first night of Hanukkah to form a podcasting Megazord. Haters cower in fear; the joint slay is maximized; only God stands in their way. 
In layman's terms, this week we host the crossover event of a lifetime-- the girls are joined by Juan and Josh of Hot Local Singles! On our graves, it couldn't be juicier. We completely tore it. 
There's very little we don't talk about this week. First, we join hands with Zola Jesus in the unending fight for Indie Rights and answer the questions on everyone's poverty brains: Is Clairo poor? Should it be illegal for Taylor Grift to enter the woods? Was she better when she was a Republican?
Then, we take on the Pitchfork Year in Review lists: who deserved their designations? Who was inexplicably included? From Fiona A to Cardi B, we spill piping hot takes all over our tits. Youch!
Last but not least, we take Cardi to task over her $88,000 purse purchase, and finally learn what $88,000 worth of Sherpa material looks like. It's a Hanukkah freakin' miracle!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Bid us a happy high holy days on Patreon.
Listen to Hot Local Singles wherever podcasts fill your sweet little ears and pay for their Canadian needs on Patreon. Follow Josh and Juan on Twitter.

AIDS of Glory!

Sure, Thanksgiving may have come and gone, but mere time is not strong enough to stop two young girls from having an Urky-Turkey Pilgrimtastic Thanksgiving Special!
The discourse cornucopia is practically bursting at its pretty wicker seams, and boy, have we got a mind to tear that hoe up. First, we wish Elliot Page a very pleasant evening (dudes rock!) and wonder whether it's time to put the ancient art of the Coming Out Letter to bed for good. Then, we unpack the 2021 Grammy nominations: we get to the BOTTOM of how H.E.R. manages to keep getting nominated for shit, loose our lips on the Megan Thee Stallion album, and sink our bleeding incisors into the new genre du jour: HYPERPOOR.
Last but not least, we put our good little housewife aprons on and serve up a warm and delicious roast named Psychoanalyzing Gay Leftists. What's with everyone being obsessed with AIDS-era gay sex culture again? Are gays better off "mainstreamed," or should we return to the old way? Which dequeered first: the boochie or the world? All this and more on the wonderful world of THOT TOPICS!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod.
Pay for our PrEP prescriptions on Patreon and don our gay apparel on our merch store which closes DECEMBER 7 for shipping!

Barack Destroyers! (feat. @Maxxi_Pad)

What are we? We're fucking Barack destroyers, babe... 
It's International Men's Day, and what better way to celebrate the global purveyors of dick 'n' balls than to invite another expert on the matter to our intimate set? Beloved chaotic-good Twitter gay and all-around sweetheart @Maxxi_Pad joins us for one of our girliest chit-chats of all time: we were gonna make some Barbies scissor, but before we knew it, we'd loosed our lips on far more pressing matters.
With closed minds and open legs, we answer the questions on everyone's feeble minds: When Barack Obama says "fag," does he mean it in a feminist way? Is it really that bad to say it when Michelle is gay? Is the Cock Destroyers' new show Slag Wars going to bring that Tila Tequila flavor the world is so sorely lacking? And who killed reality TV anyway, the influencers or the queers? And, like, should we do body shots?!?
And that's not all. Music truly makes us lose control this week: we review the new Miley Cyrus/Dua Lipa track "Prisoner," and listen to MARINA speak to the manager on her comeback single "Ma'am's World." We go freakin' bananas!
AND!!!! The Thot Topics holiday merch store is now LIVE! Get yourself an adorable t-shirt or lighter for the holidays

1-800-BANANAS!

678-TRIPLENINE-8212!!!!
Baby! You know that we miss you! We just wanna kiss you, but we can't right now so baby kiss us thru the pod! This week, we mourn Nick's suspended Twitter account and start the fight for edgelord RIGHTS! Then, it's a week of cum-back singles-- we review Lil Nas X's "coming out as a bottom" banger "Holiday," the new geriatric jam from 3OH!3, Slayyyter's dick-suckin' single "Throatzilla" and Billie Eilish's "Piece of Me" moment "Therefore I Am." This is our first episode where we drink in a long time so there's a lot of champagne pouring sounds, questionable accents (sorry) and special tangents. Cheers ladies!
New merch is out next week

Erection Judges!

And crowwwn thy good, with siiiiiisterhood, from C to shining U-N-T! 
It's November 3rd and it's a retardy in the USA. We attempt to survive the absolute psychic torture of the NBC coverage of the election for an early cuntrunner, but we wind up throwing in the towel and settling for a silly test of the mind while we intermittently check on the results. We discover if we're smarter than a fifth grader (we kind of are) AND how many random Nicki Minaj bars we can fill in the blanks of. 
Eventually, we return to the matter at hand and discuss our predictions for the future of America over personal 100 calorie packs of teriyaki beef jerky. What would a Biden or Trump win mean for the future of America? Would Bernie have won? Who did we vote for? We are the brave political voices to answer such pressing questions.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Follow the official Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Act now and secure a brighter future for American on Patreon.