Thot Topics

Let's Play Some Breastketball!

The leading ladies of the WNBA (Women's National Bussy Association) reports live COURTSIDE at Thot Topics Stadium sponsored by Roblox!! It's the first week of July Juladness and we are itching for some hot, sweaty sportsmanlike behavior!! We've taken the liberty of constructing a bracket of the year's definitive albums as told by gay guys around the world-- and we plan to get to the BOTTOM of it. Lol! From Future Nostalgia to Flo Milli, EVERYONE (no really, everyone) has a chance to claim the top spot: we have only one photo in our hand.
 
During the pregame, we discuss Megan Thee Stallion breaking her silence on her shooting, Lana Del Rey's horrible new hair, and some other shit we can't remember. We're sure you'll love it, money back guarantee!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.

An Evening in Faggotsburg! (feat. Cole Cunningham)

Are we sucking you off? (Nope.) Didn't think so!
 
GOD, you guys are lucky to have us. With the help of dearly beloved friend of the pod Cole Cunningham, we boldly go where no group of homosexuals has gone before: the world of musical theater. 
 
In other words, we tried to watch the three hour long minstrel show that is Hamilton on Disney+, but truly could not bear all of the extremely earnest rap written by someone who had clearly never listened to rap before in their entire life. We fast-forwarded a lot but boy, have we got the recap/review show for you!
 
Don't worry, that's not all. We also review the new Katy Perry jingle "Smile," Nicki Minaj's immaculate conception pics, and discuss the proposal to change Boystown's name to Tinaville or something. Reminder to PLEASE stop uhhh hexing the fae I swear to god you don't know what you're playing with... Xoxo!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. We'd tell you to follow Cole but he's on private cuz he has a job (unlike some people).

Women's Business Insiders!

Get in the fucking pan, since you wanna act onions!
God this episode was a fucking slog to get through... in the first-ever technical difficulties in Thot Topics recorded history, we lost FIFTEEN GODDAMN MINUTES OF AUDIO from our first take and had to start fresh. We handle it okay but our mournful mood looms large over this episode. Since God came down and took our scathing hot Fire Island takes from the world and my hard drive, we instead turn to the Harper's Magazine open letter calling to CANCEL cancel culture, along with some extremely pressing and important YouTuber drama. Since we were left with a Cancelthon on our hands, we then decide to play a game of Cancel Her or Keep Her, where we justify which women deserve to be canceled, and which deserve to stay! They got us gal!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.

Unstable For Two AKA The Olive Garden Special!

In what is truly our most avant-garde episode of all time, we finally fulfill a career-long dream of ours: podcasting LIVE from Olive Garden! And trust the duchess when she says the Artist Is Present. Really, what DON'T we talk about? Over a piping hot plate of shrimp carbonara, we review the new Hulu series Love, Victor, which was written by straight-questioning life forms from another fucking planet. Then, we take on the week's most savory issues: YouTuber cancellations, Lena Dunham and white privilege, and Arca's new album! Our table, our rules-- we tip generously ;)
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.

Hotel Groom Service!

Lucky you, we're back! And the discourse was firmly in our wheelhouse this week: if there are two things in this godforsaken world that we know, it's being a teen, and having sex. In our first episode as *former roommates*, we dish all our dirty little secrets on sexual agency, online chatrooms, whether the stats of rape culture can be applied to Twitter, and wonder if we've done a little grooming ourselves. What a world!! Then, it's back to the stuff that REALLY matters: Nicki and Tekashi's "Trollz," and the new season of Drag Race All Stars, and we finally reveal Anne Frank's height! 
Alternate Titles: A Groom With A View, Marvin's Groom, Groom and Board, Chatgroom

Harry Bottom and the Cumdump of Azkaban!

Well, we knew it was only a matter of time before homosexuality extended its foul grip over the discourse, and to no one's surprise, here we are! Luckily, it's our BIcentenniel and we're feeling pretty spicy. This week, we discuss the pride parade and whether or not it's an event that should be safe for work, much less for children. (Spoiler alert: ♪fuck no baaaby!♪) Then, after sitting with it for several weeks we finally loose our lips on Chromatica-- but not before getting distracted by headless horsewoman Nicki Minaj's truly insane latex puffer jackets on sale for July, among other things. Then, we join Claire Saffitz in the BA test kitchen as she attempts to make our favorite snack: upfaggot!

A Maricón Dream! (feat. Will Okay)

HEARTWARMING: This Chicago police officer just took a knee to motorboat our fucking tits! The girls are back with the man we bring onto our CLOSED SET for "serious episodes," Will Okay! (@okaychicago) This week, we discuss the state of the American race war, and interrogate its most pressing questions: Now that Trump has instilled Jaida Essence Law, how do we organize a legislative long-term plan for police abolition? How has #MeToo ruined the American idea of meaningful protest? And perhaps most importantly-- when will Uber Eats be open past 8PM again???? We attempt to talk about Grindr's removal of the ethnicity filter, but we got too drunk on White Claws and alcoholic freeze pops and end up talking about our childhoods. What it gave, officer?
Follow the girls & company on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY, @YOURE2BASIC and @OKAYCHICAGO.
Donate to up to 55 community bail funds here! (Sometimes links do not work from the podcast description body-- this link is available in Nick's Twitter bio @VLRTUALBOY as well!)
The Thot Topics Foundation has donated to the LGBTQ Freedom Fund and the Chicago Community Bond Fund. We recommend donating to your local community bail fund, or to a protest hotspot most meaningful to you if your area is not currently holding protests that have endured police violence. We'll kiss u thru the pod if u do!!
For further reading on police abolition and possible long-term legislative goals, we recommend reading Alex Vitale's "The End of Policing," available for free on the Verso Books website. Angela Davis's "Are Prisons Obsolete?" is also available for free online. The ladies encourage you to do your own research and consider what policies you will unequivocally demand from your elected officials when the social media storm eventually dies down. Love you, mean it, ACAB, Black Lives Matter!

White Is Lana Del Right!

This episode was originally written for Mozart but he decided it was too emotional to perform.
Honestly, what DON'T we talk about this week? Baby Jesus finally blessed us with some piping hot TL drama and frankly we couldn't wait to baste in those juices, sweetheart.
We discuss Lana Del Rey's brave defense of an outmoded form of womanhood, and wonder if the REAL perpetrator in all of this is Beyonce.
Then, we react to RuPaul's-- uh, we mean Lady Gaga's new single with Ariankkka Grande, "Rain on Me"! (Spoiler alert: we let her breathe and are definitely open to marrying some bottoms for Chromatican citizenship!)
Lastly, being the investigative reporters that we are, we catch Doja Cat in the act of going live on Insta to state her side in the unprecedented case of The People vs Their Own Feeble Minds, then wonder if the disease of "stanning" even deserves a cure.
Enjoy, you sweet meat ass fanooks! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.

CoronAIDS! (feat. Jerwin Gabriel Santiago)

Red rover, red rover... let Jerwin (@jerwin_gabriel) come over! We're SO fucking bored!! This week, we pathetically scramble to discuss "culture," AKA Katy Perry's journey of swollen, engorged struggle in the "Daisies" video, the Fran Tirado writeup in the failing New York Times, and why f-words need to stop comparing corona to AIDS. Then, Nick gets completely schooled in why Charli XCX's pandemic culture monopoly is actually justified. PLUS!!! At long last, we finally have an in-depth discussion on Season 12 of Drag Race (we tried to avoid this, it's not our fault we don't know who Ronan Farrow is!). God bless, baby!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.

Werking Class Heroes!

The girls are back to disrupt the white male gays-- er, wait, gaze! We mean gaze. We got bored of talking about dumb faggot shit so we decide to step up the overall IQ of the show for at least one episode. But don't worry, we haven't forgotten all of our responsibilities: we review Instant Influencer, the new reality show/infomercial hosted by James Charles, and then take tiptoe ever so gingerly around Doja Cat's #1 hit and its Dr. Luke production. Then, we raise the stakes and freakin' live with it, baby: we tear apart the "hookup culture" discourse on gay Twitter, and decide whether or not "ironic racism" among the working-class is a real thing/how policing it might affect politics in the future. As usual, we prove that everyone who isn't us is wrong! Look out, she's pissed!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.