Thot Topics
Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.
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Episodes
Tuesday May 05, 2020
Tuesday May 05, 2020
Well, we found another way to flap our nasty little gums for another hour, baby. Lucky you! This week, this exclusive ladies-only club gets away with murder: we give our spicy little takes on the death of Beyonce's girl-voice on the Savage remix, the non-event that was the Nicki Minaj x Doja Cat collab, Kehlani's new love-as-jihad album concept, plus, why we have to hold Arca to the same standard as anybody else who would name their song "Nonbinary." Everything that happened in the news this week was pretty out of our depth, so instead, we take a hot, sweaty jog down memory lane and give our rapidfire reviews of the most popular songs on Billboard, every year since 2006 (We can't remember anything before that! You're old enough to be our dad, anon!). We know you'll enjoy. Mwah!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.
Tuesday Apr 28, 2020
Tuesday Apr 28, 2020
We took a little break because nothing happened and also, frankly, we needed our beauty rest! But not to worry, we are back in full swing and ready to get wet 'n' wild with whatever you freaks were yammering on about online this week. We talk about finally making it out on the other side of corona panic, whether or not there is a black pride parade and why, r*cist League of Legends chatrooms, irish RIGHTS!, pride being cancelled and what it means for people who care about that. Then, we open our minds, hearts, ears, and holes for Charli XCX (again, I know, we're sorry, no one else is putting music out) and Flo Milli before diving into the Anthony Fantano/Fiona Apple review controversy. We put our boobs together and wonder: if people actually don't think music criticism is important, why do they care so much when a bad review comes out? One million more reps, ladies!
Also, we're compiling a YouTube playlist full of all the songs we've used on the pod and haven't paid for! Just making it easier for all the legal teams we'll be hearing from in the future. Give her a stream here if you so desire.
For all who ordered merch, stickers are on the way soon! Our shirts are on backorder because of coroña (ugh) so they'll be just a bit longer. Love ya!
Tuesday Apr 14, 2020
Tuesday Apr 14, 2020
We is risen! Resident mansplainer and crisis top Will Okay (@okaymiz) emerges from the Thot Vault to play a quick and dirty little game of Over/Under based on listener suggestions! The results couldn't be juicier, and no one is safe: Solange, OnlyFans girls, skinny people, Dr. Pimple Popper, Nick's dermatologist, and that's not all! These brave chicks also swan dive into the murky waters of 2000's nostalgia, Bernie's Biden endorsement, and parents who dress their babies in designer clothing-- only to emerge dripping wet with the hottest takes in the game. Chag sameach, cunt!
The Thot Topics webstore closes this Friday, April 17! Get your shirts and stickers at thottopics.bigcartel.com! We thank you for all your support
Friday Apr 10, 2020
Friday Apr 10, 2020
It's been a while... we know we shouldn't have kept you waiting... but we're here now. Our Passover table makes room for friend of the pod and beloved Twitter gay @nickwaka24, and the conversation gets like, soooo girly. We discuss Bernie's campaign suspension, Charli XCX's possible asexuality and forthcoming album, then examine the Bhad Bhabie blackfishing scandal, and wonder about how celebs and influencers have turned cultural appropriation into another way to monetize their lives. (Spoiler alert: we're jealous!!) Then, in a moment none of us are proud to be excited for, we give our takes on the queens of Drag Race Season 12, including which muppet Brita is most reminiscent of, and whether or not Aiden Zhane is fishy. (SHE IS!!!) You'll definitely think it's fun, and you'll like the beat! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.
This is the last week to secure Thot Topics merch! Production starts April 17. Shirts and stickers are available at thottopics.bigcartel.com, and you know they're adorable baby!!
Tuesday Mar 31, 2020
Tuesday Mar 31, 2020
Ay, mami! The girls are by their lonesome once more to endure another week of torturous quar content. In the first-ever Thot Topics Latinxtravaganza, these dumb broads discuss Gay$ap Rocky and the treasure trove that lies in Azealia Banks's iCloud Drive, mistake Bad Bunny for being Mexican, and ponder whether or not his "Yo Perreo Sola" video is good for trans people. (Spoiler alert: no. lol) THEN, in an extra-special moment of love and care for the listeners, we compile a list of Thot Topics' Favorite Things wherein Cris comes out as an Ayn Rand supporter: books, movies, and music to get you through isolation, from Ex Machina to Uffie!
Cop your T-shirts and stickers if you haven't yet! THOTTOPICS.BIGCARTEL.COM! Shouts to @fernandokonichiwa on Insta for the tee idea
Tuesday Mar 24, 2020
Tuesday Mar 24, 2020
Poppers and douches and urns, oh my! This week, the girls sit down for a little chitchat with Peter, aka @ratdad666, the perpetrator behind the infamous Charli XCX #Ashesgate to talk all things fly, hot, and sexy: mommorabilia, the manic depressive effects of the quar, ANIMAL CROSSING, the tanning arts, the new Dua Lipa album, and Poppy's bad metal music. Then, we look back on the ashes seen 'round the world, and wonder how much it really matters when a female pop star is willing to (in the words of famed sociologist Azealia Banks) "ride gay dick." As if!
AND HEY!!! WE'RE SELLING STICKERS AND T-SHIRTS! VISIT OUR STORE AT THOTTOPICS.BIGCARTEL.COM! THEY'RE SUPER AFFORDABLE AND TOTALLY ADORABLE!
Tuesday Mar 17, 2020
Tuesday Mar 17, 2020
Inbreastigative Journalists in the House (by Illinois state mandate)!!! This week, the girls are joined by friend of the pod Morgan mere minutes after her experience being tested for Coronavirus-- no, actually!!-- and ponder the possible fallout of the pandemic as it continues to spread like peanut butter! Then, alone once more, they unpack Paper Magazine's Lady Gaga cover story, go ham on Abercrombie's new "plus-size" "gay" "model" Michael McCauley, and wonder if non-hot people have a place in fashion and media. Get well soon, bitch! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.
P.S. If you think you'd make a good guest on the show please hit our DM! We're looking to bring more girls and gays into the Thot Topics Cinematic Universe. Xo!
Monday Mar 09, 2020
Monday Mar 09, 2020
Live from another bitch's business, it's Thot Topics! This week, our girlbosses return to form and dive into the most hotly discussed music of the week, including Katy Perry's coming-out-as-a-straight-chick pregnancy ballad, Megan's baker-fucking banger, Ashnikko and the perils of TikTok music, and Bree Runway's capture of our hearts! Then, they begrudgingly talk about the abuse allegations against Drag Race's Sherry Pie, and wonder whether Drag Race (and drag in general) is ACTUALLY okay for kids to watch or participate in. Eow!
Tuesday Mar 03, 2020
Tuesday Mar 03, 2020
Call in, we're standing by! It was a slow news week, so this time, the girls dive into their listeners' burning questions: Is polyamory real? Can you be ace without a bowl cut? What if Joe Biden had a distant relative who weighed 700 lbs and had perfect politics, and ran in 2020 under the name Jo(anna) Biden? Wait-- those weren't your questions? Oh well, whatever! Sex education, the disproportionate targeting of starships of color, and why RedOne would have a hard time in the Matrix are all discussed. Sköl! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.
Wednesday Feb 26, 2020
Wednesday Feb 26, 2020
These chicks clappin', and they AIN'T usin' hands! This week the girls are solo once again, but still hot and ready to discuss Shrek 4-D, Princess Nokia's Freudian youth pastor song, how Rihanna's bangs kept her from having stans, and the Freakum Dress Paradox. Then, as American dicks remain at half-mast for the ousting of Bernie staffer and beloved Twitter gay Ben Mora, they ponder what it might mean for the liberal consensus on identity politics and morality to continue unenCUMbered. Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.