Thot Topics
Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.
Episodes

Friday Jan 10, 2025
Thotline 8: AT&T Already Done Had Herses!
Friday Jan 10, 2025
Friday Jan 10, 2025
Not my best work in this episode title but I'm tired man
We're twenty-twenty-LIVE in the booth in the new year baby!! We hope your resolution wasn't to stop listening to the erotic audio stylings of Thot Topics because we're about to make it THAT much harder!
This week, we take calls and emails from our precious homosexual listeners to solve mental problems that have never been addressed by the medical community at large. What should you do if a guy is afraid of touching spit? Which of us would win in a fight? Do we like eating ass? ALL will be settled before a jury of our peers.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Get on our party line on Patreon.
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Wednesday Dec 25, 2024
Interstellar Friendship Karaoke AKA The 202th Episode Special
Wednesday Dec 25, 2024
Wednesday Dec 25, 2024
The girls set up shop at a karaoke bar to properly enjoy their top musical moments of 2024, and to celebrate 200 episodes of sisterhood and divadom.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Recoup our yogurt soju fund on Patreon.

Wednesday Dec 25, 2024
Clocking Around the Christmas Tree!
Wednesday Dec 25, 2024
Wednesday Dec 25, 2024
This isn't really a Christmas episode because we recorded it like, over a week ago-- but Merry Christmas to you and yours all the same...
You've heard of a one horse open sleigh... now get ready for TWO whore's open slay. That's right, we ain't hidin' it! This week, after a lovely girly catchup chat, we assess the BILLBOARD TOP 25 POPSTARS OF THE 21ST CENTURY list. We get a little heated about some of the inclusions, which is just perfect for this brisk holiday afternoon...
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Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Hurry down our chimney on Patreon.

Tuesday Dec 03, 2024
No One Mourns The Thiccked! (Preview)
Tuesday Dec 03, 2024
Tuesday Dec 03, 2024
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Flopular... you're gonna be flopyouular...
Welcome back to the Thot Topics glistening wintertime palace of holiday delights. This week, the girls are setting the table for a fancy feast of cunty proportions-- we hope you brought a bib, sis!
After a little bit of good old fashioned GIRL TIME, we give our review of WICKED-- the good, the bad, the tragic and the beautiful. Then, we uncork some other pressing thoughts on concealing one's fagcent.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Enroll at Thot Topics College Prep on Patreon.

Monday Dec 02, 2024
Concealed Carrie Bradshaw!
Monday Dec 02, 2024
Monday Dec 02, 2024
Sabrina Carpenter? I barely know her!! HA!
Welcome back to the Thot Topics Twisted Labyrinth where nothing is quite as it seems... if you're feeling turkeylicious this season, have we got the episode for you!
This week, the girls catch up after a week apart: Cris delivers a field report from the mean streets of BAMF, Canada and Nick grapples with the everyday struggles of motherhood.
Then, it's down to business: we discuss Sabrina Carpenter pantomiming blowjays on stage and whether it's good for pop stars to get horny. Plus, we talk about Charli XCX's turn as SNL host and the exhausting future of Brat now that Kamala is out of the picture.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Can you say magenta on Patreon?

Saturday Nov 02, 2024
The Great Impussinator!
Saturday Nov 02, 2024
Saturday Nov 02, 2024
You have left me very discheazed... you have left me... diseaseched... Discheezed to meet you? Is there anything here?
Hey girl. Did you know that um... it doesn't matter if you love him? OR capital H-I-M? We're calling all Little Monsters who are pushing 30 to the stage to speak their truth and speak it loud. What's on the menu this week, you ask? Obviously DISEASE, but there's so much more... we picture a future with ADDISON RAE, and struggle to let HALSEY play for longer than 45 seconds.
Luckily, there's so much more where that came from, but you'll just have to press play, wontcha!?
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. For more diseasey listening, throw a bitch a bone (FIVE bones to be exact) on Patreon.

Saturday Nov 02, 2024
Saeko Killers!
Saturday Nov 02, 2024
Saturday Nov 02, 2024
Turningjapanesewethinkwe'returningjapanesewereallythinkso
This week in the Thot Topics Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Annex, the girls unpack several major violations of the international code of cunt. First, the BRAT REMIX ALBUM, the ancient demon KESHA, SAIKO and the call of BEING JAPANESE.
But naturally, there's more hot and juicy goodness where that came from. We discuss becoming a Trader Joe's girl, the decline in movie theater etiquette, Terrifier 3, and whatever else touches our beautiful twisted minds.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Bring honor upon your dojo on Patreon.

Friday Sep 27, 2024
Six Freaks Magic Mountin'!
Friday Sep 27, 2024
Friday Sep 27, 2024
Young man! Your presence is requested in the Headmaster's office. And trust me-- you DON'T want to find out how he got THAT name...
Love is in the air in the Thot Topics Studio tonight as the girls issue a transmission from the eve of Nick's wedding! We don't want to scare anyone, but it's time to bring out the big, big, big, big, big, balloons.
Naturally there IS business to attend to. We discuss SOPHIE's posthumous "album," Katy Perry's 143 as if there's anything to even say, and Lady Gaga's theater kid humiliation ritual Harlequin.
More is on the docket, including Lana Del Rey's surprise wedding, The Substance, Megalopolis, and sooooo much more. Lock and load, ladies!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Call us Megatron on Patreon.

Saturday Sep 07, 2024
The Church of Naturday Saints!
Saturday Sep 07, 2024
Saturday Sep 07, 2024
Happy LUBEor Day You Patriotic SLUTS 💦💦💦😫 From the twisted mind of THOT TOPICS comes an all-new episode full of juicy, scrumptious goodness for ya nerve. EAT IT UP MAMA!
We're back to business for the first time in a while so we do a little bit of girly catchup. Are we doing more than flirting with sobriety at this point? Who's gonna make the first move? Us? Or that tasty tasty MOCKTAIL? We recap Nick's bachelor party and ponder what it means to be a party girl in heart, but not in liver...
Then, we move on to the subject on everyone's lips: FAT GAY EIGHT YEAR OLDS. Who's got em? Who wants em? Is it okay to call them disgusting and shameful pigs? We investigate the gay guy selfie trend that has sent Twitter into a little spazout.
Then, we issue a formal prognosis on the Katy Perry situation following her response to The Dr. Luke Question. What's REALLY going on behind the scenes at Katy Perry headquarters? What would she have to do to turn this ship around? MUCH is revealed-- including our breasts, of course.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo.
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Friday Aug 23, 2024
Do You Believe in Mewgic?!
Friday Aug 23, 2024
Friday Aug 23, 2024
Calling all birdwatchers! Are you watchin' these birds?!?!?
This week, we join forces in the Plus Size Creator's Autonomous Zone against the powers that be: hater ass faggots in the Patreon exit surveys. Once that demon is purged from our spirit, it's down to business as usual.
We take Raggedy Chappell to task over her complaints on TikTok about fans asking her for pictures. Is she cooked, or does she have a chance? Why is TikTok incompatible with pop stardom? Is privacy cringe? Or are gay guys the cringe ones? ALL will be revealed in the fullness of time...
But that's not all: we take a look at the recent study of the least attractive male hobbies, according to women. From vidya to trolling online, we psychoanalyze all parties to uncover the troof-- and nothing but the troof.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. For more low-effort content riddled with technical issues, throw the girls a freakin' bone on Patreon.
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