Thot Topics
Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.
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Episodes
Thursday Jun 11, 2020
Thursday Jun 11, 2020
Well, we knew it was only a matter of time before homosexuality extended its foul grip over the discourse, and to no one's surprise, here we are! Luckily, it's our BIcentenniel and we're feeling pretty spicy. This week, we discuss the pride parade and whether or not it's an event that should be safe for work, much less for children. (Spoiler alert: ♪fuck no baaaby!♪) Then, after sitting with it for several weeks we finally loose our lips on Chromatica-- but not before getting distracted by headless horsewoman Nicki Minaj's truly insane latex puffer jackets on sale for July, among other things. Then, we join Claire Saffitz in the BA test kitchen as she attempts to make our favorite snack: upfaggot!
Wednesday Jun 03, 2020
Wednesday Jun 03, 2020
HEARTWARMING: This Chicago police officer just took a knee to motorboat our fucking tits! The girls are back with the man we bring onto our CLOSED SET for "serious episodes," Will Okay! (@okaychicago) This week, we discuss the state of the American race war, and interrogate its most pressing questions: Now that Trump has instilled Jaida Essence Law, how do we organize a legislative long-term plan for police abolition? How has #MeToo ruined the American idea of meaningful protest? And perhaps most importantly-- when will Uber Eats be open past 8PM again???? We attempt to talk about Grindr's removal of the ethnicity filter, but we got too drunk on White Claws and alcoholic freeze pops and end up talking about our childhoods. What it gave, officer?
Follow the girls & company on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY, @YOURE2BASIC and @OKAYCHICAGO.
Donate to up to 55 community bail funds here! (Sometimes links do not work from the podcast description body-- this link is available in Nick's Twitter bio @VLRTUALBOY as well!)
The Thot Topics Foundation has donated to the LGBTQ Freedom Fund and the Chicago Community Bond Fund. We recommend donating to your local community bail fund, or to a protest hotspot most meaningful to you if your area is not currently holding protests that have endured police violence. We'll kiss u thru the pod if u do!!
For further reading on police abolition and possible long-term legislative goals, we recommend reading Alex Vitale's "The End of Policing," available for free on the Verso Books website. Angela Davis's "Are Prisons Obsolete?" is also available for free online. The ladies encourage you to do your own research and consider what policies you will unequivocally demand from your elected officials when the social media storm eventually dies down. Love you, mean it, ACAB, Black Lives Matter!
Tuesday May 26, 2020
Tuesday May 26, 2020
This episode was originally written for Mozart but he decided it was too emotional to perform.
Honestly, what DON'T we talk about this week? Baby Jesus finally blessed us with some piping hot TL drama and frankly we couldn't wait to baste in those juices, sweetheart.
We discuss Lana Del Rey's brave defense of an outmoded form of womanhood, and wonder if the REAL perpetrator in all of this is Beyonce.
Then, we react to RuPaul's-- uh, we mean Lady Gaga's new single with Ariankkka Grande, "Rain on Me"! (Spoiler alert: we let her breathe and are definitely open to marrying some bottoms for Chromatican citizenship!)
Lastly, being the investigative reporters that we are, we catch Doja Cat in the act of going live on Insta to state her side in the unprecedented case of The People vs Their Own Feeble Minds, then wonder if the disease of "stanning" even deserves a cure.
Enjoy, you sweet meat ass fanooks! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.
Tuesday May 19, 2020
Tuesday May 19, 2020
Red rover, red rover... let Jerwin (@jerwin_gabriel) come over! We're SO fucking bored!! This week, we pathetically scramble to discuss "culture," AKA Katy Perry's journey of swollen, engorged struggle in the "Daisies" video, the Fran Tirado writeup in the failing New York Times, and why f-words need to stop comparing corona to AIDS. Then, Nick gets completely schooled in why Charli XCX's pandemic culture monopoly is actually justified. PLUS!!! At long last, we finally have an in-depth discussion on Season 12 of Drag Race (we tried to avoid this, it's not our fault we don't know who Ronan Farrow is!). God bless, baby!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.
Thursday May 14, 2020
Thursday May 14, 2020
The girls are back to disrupt the white male gays-- er, wait, gaze! We mean gaze. We got bored of talking about dumb faggot shit so we decide to step up the overall IQ of the show for at least one episode. But don't worry, we haven't forgotten all of our responsibilities: we review Instant Influencer, the new reality show/infomercial hosted by James Charles, and then take tiptoe ever so gingerly around Doja Cat's #1 hit and its Dr. Luke production. Then, we raise the stakes and freakin' live with it, baby: we tear apart the "hookup culture" discourse on gay Twitter, and decide whether or not "ironic racism" among the working-class is a real thing/how policing it might affect politics in the future. As usual, we prove that everyone who isn't us is wrong! Look out, she's pissed!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.
Tuesday May 05, 2020
Tuesday May 05, 2020
Well, we found another way to flap our nasty little gums for another hour, baby. Lucky you! This week, this exclusive ladies-only club gets away with murder: we give our spicy little takes on the death of Beyonce's girl-voice on the Savage remix, the non-event that was the Nicki Minaj x Doja Cat collab, Kehlani's new love-as-jihad album concept, plus, why we have to hold Arca to the same standard as anybody else who would name their song "Nonbinary." Everything that happened in the news this week was pretty out of our depth, so instead, we take a hot, sweaty jog down memory lane and give our rapidfire reviews of the most popular songs on Billboard, every year since 2006 (We can't remember anything before that! You're old enough to be our dad, anon!). We know you'll enjoy. Mwah!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.
Tuesday Apr 28, 2020
Tuesday Apr 28, 2020
We took a little break because nothing happened and also, frankly, we needed our beauty rest! But not to worry, we are back in full swing and ready to get wet 'n' wild with whatever you freaks were yammering on about online this week. We talk about finally making it out on the other side of corona panic, whether or not there is a black pride parade and why, r*cist League of Legends chatrooms, irish RIGHTS!, pride being cancelled and what it means for people who care about that. Then, we open our minds, hearts, ears, and holes for Charli XCX (again, I know, we're sorry, no one else is putting music out) and Flo Milli before diving into the Anthony Fantano/Fiona Apple review controversy. We put our boobs together and wonder: if people actually don't think music criticism is important, why do they care so much when a bad review comes out? One million more reps, ladies!
Also, we're compiling a YouTube playlist full of all the songs we've used on the pod and haven't paid for! Just making it easier for all the legal teams we'll be hearing from in the future. Give her a stream here if you so desire.
For all who ordered merch, stickers are on the way soon! Our shirts are on backorder because of coroña (ugh) so they'll be just a bit longer. Love ya!
Tuesday Apr 14, 2020
Tuesday Apr 14, 2020
We is risen! Resident mansplainer and crisis top Will Okay (@okaymiz) emerges from the Thot Vault to play a quick and dirty little game of Over/Under based on listener suggestions! The results couldn't be juicier, and no one is safe: Solange, OnlyFans girls, skinny people, Dr. Pimple Popper, Nick's dermatologist, and that's not all! These brave chicks also swan dive into the murky waters of 2000's nostalgia, Bernie's Biden endorsement, and parents who dress their babies in designer clothing-- only to emerge dripping wet with the hottest takes in the game. Chag sameach, cunt!
The Thot Topics webstore closes this Friday, April 17! Get your shirts and stickers at thottopics.bigcartel.com! We thank you for all your support
Friday Apr 10, 2020
Friday Apr 10, 2020
It's been a while... we know we shouldn't have kept you waiting... but we're here now. Our Passover table makes room for friend of the pod and beloved Twitter gay @nickwaka24, and the conversation gets like, soooo girly. We discuss Bernie's campaign suspension, Charli XCX's possible asexuality and forthcoming album, then examine the Bhad Bhabie blackfishing scandal, and wonder about how celebs and influencers have turned cultural appropriation into another way to monetize their lives. (Spoiler alert: we're jealous!!) Then, in a moment none of us are proud to be excited for, we give our takes on the queens of Drag Race Season 12, including which muppet Brita is most reminiscent of, and whether or not Aiden Zhane is fishy. (SHE IS!!!) You'll definitely think it's fun, and you'll like the beat! Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC.
This is the last week to secure Thot Topics merch! Production starts April 17. Shirts and stickers are available at thottopics.bigcartel.com, and you know they're adorable baby!!
Tuesday Mar 31, 2020
Tuesday Mar 31, 2020
Ay, mami! The girls are by their lonesome once more to endure another week of torturous quar content. In the first-ever Thot Topics Latinxtravaganza, these dumb broads discuss Gay$ap Rocky and the treasure trove that lies in Azealia Banks's iCloud Drive, mistake Bad Bunny for being Mexican, and ponder whether or not his "Yo Perreo Sola" video is good for trans people. (Spoiler alert: no. lol) THEN, in an extra-special moment of love and care for the listeners, we compile a list of Thot Topics' Favorite Things wherein Cris comes out as an Ayn Rand supporter: books, movies, and music to get you through isolation, from Ex Machina to Uffie!
Cop your T-shirts and stickers if you haven't yet! THOTTOPICS.BIGCARTEL.COM! Shouts to @fernandokonichiwa on Insta for the tee idea