Thot Topics
Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.
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Episodes
Thursday Nov 30, 2023
Thursday Nov 30, 2023
**PATRONS ONLY**
THROW AN UNEMPLOYED HO A BONE AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS
Hey girl, can we circle back? To CRACK!?
Calling all micromanagers, office drones, and watercooler sisters-- we are taking it out of the workplace and into your face this week as we recap Nick's week from hell. The girls wallow in some warm and wet misery, but fear not-- we wore tankinis!
But it's not all doomington and gloomington sweetheart. It's Spotify Wrapped Day, so we do each of our Top 10 countdowns to share the biggest hits in our apartments this year. Kiss you miss you!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tcels. Put the in TOP in unemployment on Patreon. LAST CALL FOR THOTLINE VOICEMAILS AND TEXTS! (312) 772-2592.
Tuesday Nov 21, 2023
Tuesday Nov 21, 2023
More like Tate McGay... more like... Bate... McSlay... Uhhh
We're BACK! And we came on this bitch mad as hell... things are changing in the Thot Topics Universe and it's NOT LOOKING GOOD, BITCH! After a little bit of career ranting and general sisterly catch-up, we segue into the hawtest topics of the week.
First, we diagnose the Tate McRae situation: is she the real megadiva servalicious giver? Or is it nothing more than a hair show?! Plus, how do you really *tell* if a pop star is a STAR or just some girl in a little outfit? Tinashe is discussed, buyer beware.
Secondly, we talk about Billie Eilish's claim that women don't care about guys' physical appearance and "accept them for who they are inside." As gay guys regularly invited into girls talks, we report from INSIDE THE HOUSE.
Last, we talk about TikTok zoomers discovering Osama Bin Laden's open letter to America and talk about whether we even *like* America-- and why... I know we said we wouldn't get political again but I felt called...
LADIES! CALL THE THOTLINE BEFORE DEC. 1ST WITH YOUR MOST PRESSING PERSONAL ISSUES, HOT TAKES, AND MORE! LEAVE US A VOICEMAIL OR TEXT US IF YOU MUST-- BUT WE'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE! (312) 772-2592.
SUBSCRIBE TO THE $10 PATREON TIER OR ABOVE BEFORE DEC. 1 TO RECEIVE GLITTER STICKERS IN THE MAIL! MAKE SURE YOUR MAILING ADDRESS IS ON YOUR ACCOUNT AND TOGGLED TO SHARE WITH US.
SHOT GLASSES & PINT GLASSES ARE NOW AVAILABLE IN THE MERCH STORE!
Buy yourself some Magic Mind with the exclusive sisterly discount! Go to magicmind.com/nickandcris and use the code TT20 for 20% off any single purchase or 56% off any subscription!
Monday Nov 13, 2023
Monday Nov 13, 2023
**PATRONS ONLY** JOIN THE CLURB AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS.
Pass the cranberry sauce and open wide cuz this ain't your mother's Thanksgiving hoe! We hope you left room for dessert! Oooooooh!
We're joined in the house of merry-making by returning guest and sista of the pod Morgan to discuss all things turkeylicious and festive. We recognize it's a little early but we were really in the Giving mood, okayyy??
We discuss our holiday wishlists, Dula Peep's new single, "Taylor's Version," the psychology of straight men wanting a finger in the ass, and sooo much more. Apologies for the weird audio quality on this one y'all, it'll be fixed next week!
Terminally yours,
Thot Topics
FOLLOW THE GIRLS ON TWITTER @VLRTUALBOY AND @YOURE2BASIC, and the official POD INSTA @TH0TSTARSXO. Get us a Christmas gift on Patreon. (Why the elephant gotta be WHITE?!)
Tuesday Nov 07, 2023
Tuesday Nov 07, 2023
BEND THAT ASS OVER! LET THAT COOCHIE BREATHE! SHAKE THAT ASS BITCH! HANDS ON YA KNEES!
We're back in the booth and better than ever-- as we enjoy some lovely iced cafecitos and prepare for a night out on the town, we turn to the good people at Billboard to take another look at the TikTok Top 50. A LOT has changed since our last check-in on the chart. Naturally, we do what we do best and take a delicate rectal thermometer to the culture and spoiler alert: IT'S HOT!
Naturally, that's not all: we reflect on Nicki MInaj's album rollout, how it feels to listen to old episodes of the pod several years onward, Harry Potter (?) and so much more...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo.
USE PROMO CODE "TT20" AT MAGICMIND.COM/NICKANDCRIS FOR 20% OFF ANY SINGLE PURCHASE, OR OVER 50% OFF OF A SUBSCRIPTION!
Thursday Oct 26, 2023
Thursday Oct 26, 2023
**FULL EPISODE AVAIL FOR PATRONS. SORRY, WE MISSED A PAID WEEK AND HAVE TO GIVE THE PAYING GIRLS SUMTHIN. JOIN IN!**
One Naysha Lopez, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all...
We're back after an accidental week off so we're giving the reins over to the girls at home to decide what absolutely NEEDS to be settled once and for all. We talk about The Pick-Me's Dilemma, Britney's memoir THE WOMAN IN ME, whether you would feel some type of way if your top made less money than you, Skims for Men, May December, Saltburn, and SOOOOO much more!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod insta @th0tcels. Join the battle to release us from our cuntserveatorship on Patreon.
Saturday Oct 14, 2023
Saturday Oct 14, 2023
**PATRONS ONLY** Join the frontline in the 100 Year Idgaf War on Patreon.
Bitches must be Jewish cuz they pockets israelite... We must be thinking outside the bun because we're living HaMás!
We heard there's a situation in the middle east. Not to worry-- we're on our way. Period. We attempt to explain what's going on in Gaza to the breast of our abilities. Can't promise it'll be cogent whatsoever but we have a lot of dumb gay guys to address!
Naturally, that's not all: we take to the Thot Topics Discord and answer some listener questions. Frank Biden's nudes! Troye Sivan in dragz! Halloween costumes! Chicago gay bars! Many truths are revealed...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tstarsxo. Stand UP for Thot Topics Rights on Patreon.
Saturday Oct 07, 2023
Saturday Oct 07, 2023
"Sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me." -Deuteronomy 23:1
We tried being good... but sometimes a girl needs to let her hair down and let LOOSE! As a cold lace front sets in on the beautiful city of Chicago, the girls settle in for a fireside chat of cosmic proportions, discussing everything from gym memberships to apartment hunting to the Roman Empire to fear to death to Rihanna! It's a big juicy one so get those teef ready!
We answer some leftover listener questions from our 100th episode extravaganza, but otherwise just kinda have a girly little chat. Catch you on the flipside! Na na na COME ON!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod shitposting Instagram @th0tstarsxo. New merch is live in the store too! We're prepping some fun new experiments on the Patreon so get you a piece NOW!
Saturday Sep 30, 2023
Saturday Sep 30, 2023
**PATRONS ONLY** Get up in the exclusivest Thot Topicsest Clurb on the planet on Patreon. For $4/month, you get access to every exxxclusive episode! PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS
This week, the girls have smeared coconut baby oil on their breasts to send a powerful message about consent. The message? It's simple: {motorboating noises}
We're back to discuss all the happenings of our precious young lives. From feeling immune to emotional music, to weight loss, to our inevitable 26th birthdays, we're feeling cuntemplative, heavy metal, and reflective. It's a soul-baring session for girls of all walks of life.
That's not all-- it's a big week for music and we talk about Doja's SCARLET, Slayyyter's STARFUCKER, and Kim's PROBLEMATIQUE. Plus, we talk about the guy covered in shit at Folsom. It's a roundup you WON'T want to miss!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Fuck our mouth with an egg roll on Patreon.
PLUS!! WE'RE BACK ON INSTAGRAM FINALLY: @th0tstarsxo
Saturday Sep 23, 2023
Saturday Sep 23, 2023
Happy Birthday Sydney! We're unlocking her previously paywalled genius in honor of National Sydney Day and the new Troye Sivan single too... get into the festivities girl!
This is the hand that gives... and this is the hand that's taking it...
We're back and joined by the honorable Judge Sydney in the courtroom of the mind's eye, AKA the newly expanded Thot Topics Plus-Sized Creators Studio. There's MUCH to discuss and many beers to drink before we have to start our intermittent fast-- so let's get crackin'!
We talk about vaping, racist middle schoolers, Skai Jackson, Shane Dawson, Disney Channel Original Movies, and so much more. THEN, we launch into the main event: a discussion of Troye Sivan's single "RUSH" and the accompanying sexylicious gay guy music video. Does everyone have to be included in everything? What's the difference between being fat and being Fat™? Do artists owe you a spot in their world? LET'S CHAT!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Our Insta might be gone forever we're still waiting lol. Step Up 2 The Streets on Patreon.
Follow Sydney on Twitter @SYDNEYJ0HNS0N.
Monday Sep 18, 2023
Monday Sep 18, 2023
**PATRONS ONLY**
SUBSCRIBE FOR FULL ACCESS AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS
WELCUM 2 THE JUNGLE BABY!
To celebrate our 150th freakin' episode, we do a little bit of GORILLA podcasting and bring our white asses to the TRUE Ape Escape: The Rainforest Cafe! Swaddled in the lush acoustics of the jaguars, toucans, chimps and elephants, we do what we do best and share our truest feelings over some questionable cuisine.
We involved our sisters in the celebration by soliciting topics and questions from listeners like YOU! We give advice to a new stepmom, "prove that we're gay," and discuss the ideal homosexual nuptials. Trust us when we say that you DON'T want to miss this! Grab a banana and let's monkey around sis!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. The law of the jungle compels you to Patreon.
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