Thot Topics
Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.
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Episodes
Tuesday Jun 27, 2023
Tuesday Jun 27, 2023
*PATRONS ONLY! SUBSCRIBE TO THE THOT TOPICS PATREON FOR ACCESS TO THE FULL 2 HOUR EPISODE AT PATREON.COM/THOTTOPICS*
Get in faggot we're going to Arby's!
This week, the girls convene unda da sea to discuss all things sub-marine and on dry land! For starters, we cover all the new music that's come out since we last had a girly little chitchat: Kim Petras's "debut album" FEED THE BEAST, the Barbie soundtrack, and quite a few more hits and misses. And that's not all: what the fuck is going on with Nicki Minaj? We investigate.
Then, it's time for serious journalism. We talk about the Titanic excursion gone wrong and everyone's little freakout on Twitter about it; Rina Sawayama's extremely powerful and necessary words against podcasting Nazi Matty Healy; and an update on the girls' most frivolous recent purchases.
This is a REALLY thick and juicy one, so get those gobblin' holes ready for a bite!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter and Instagram. Buy a bitch a classic roast beef on Patreon.
Tuesday Jun 13, 2023
Tuesday Jun 13, 2023
Live from the deep slayyyte, Chris from CuteAnon joins us in the studio and we have a total caBALL! I'm just a mole, sir!
I'll keep it real and say that this is just some good old fashioned gay guys talking over a couple of cold ones. Isn't this what you came for!? With a little help from Truth or Drink, we really get to know each other in a wet and wild way. Pillow fight!!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter and Instagram. Take us to Adrenochromatica on Patreon.
Follow Chris on Twitter and listen to CuteAnon on Apple Pods and Spotify.
Friday Jun 09, 2023
Friday Jun 09, 2023
**PREVIEW ONLY. FULL 2-HOUR EXTRAVAGANZA ON PATREON!**
Welcome to the jungle baby!!!
We're finally back in (monkey) business and ready to swing from tree to tree! This week, we come to you bearing a double-length episode that's all about FAME, CELEBRITY, STAR POWER, and FUN!! First, we review the new HBO series THE IDOL: is Lily-Rose Depp a good actress? Would that "I'm Just a Freak" song be a hit? Isn't it kind of gross to smoke a cig in the SAUNA? Things get heated...
Then, we execute a brutal and unforgiving tier list ranking the main pop performers of the last few decades-- designating them somewhere between MAJOR and FAT. We can't promise that feathers won't be ruffled, but true gay little monkeys will see the vision.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Plus, the official pod Twitter and Instagram. For more monkeying around, meet us in the canopy layer on Patreon.
Friday May 26, 2023
Friday May 26, 2023
You already know what time it is! We asked the Thot Topics community to pick up the phone and buss open their inner worlds-- and boy did they deliver!
Over the course of this double-long extra thick episode, we hear the homosexual and female voices of listeners like YOU and get to the bottom of everyone's most pressing issues.
How can you get gay guys to ogle you to make your girlfriend jealous? When everything seems to be going just fine and you're still unhappy, what's a hoe to do? Do your friends HAVE to like your boyfriend? We get all up in it.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod meme page @th0tcels. Join our party line on Patreon.
Friday May 19, 2023
Friday May 19, 2023
**PATRONS ONLY**
We return to the booth with clear minds and open hearts, ready to do a little bit of Matty Healing. Love WINS!
This week, we have a big girls' cocktail powwow to discuss Taylor Swift's pivot to NAZISM after fraternizing with KNOWN PORN WATCHER The 1975's Matty Healy. What does this mean for Taylor? Is being a porn star empowering or degrading to these people? What are Inuit people? Nick gives Cris a crash course in Cum Town/Red Scare history.
Next, we discuss Kim Petras's Sports Illustrated cover and the rights of REAL(LY FAT) WOMEN across the globe. Trust the duchess, we address the drama head (and breasts) on!
Last but not least, we get into the core thesis of THE PARENT'S GUIDE TO PREVENTING HOMOSEXUALITY and put our own lives to the test-- theorizing what, if anything made us gay-- and what, if anything, could've stopped it.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTULABOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod meme page @th0tcels. Pay me reparations for being mean to me on Patreon.
Thursday May 11, 2023
Thursday May 11, 2023
Pretty hurts... and ugly kills 💔 RT if u cry everytime...
We're back! This week, the girls take to the stage and channel their poise, beauty, grace, and tact to see how well they'd fare in the face of the Top 25 most commonly asked Miss Universe interview questions. From role models to world peace, we put our heads (and breasts) together to find an answer that will please the judges.
But that's not all: we wonder what the fuck is going on with movies right now, pop a fat bottle of champagne, do a healthy amount of questionable accents and SO much more. And the weiner is...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tcels. CROWN IT on Patreon.
Sunday Apr 23, 2023
Sunday Apr 23, 2023
It was a slow news week AGAIN (let's fucking look alive people!!) so we decide to turn to the world of social science to discover what sort of surprises lay in wait. Brought to you by THEE original diva-doll Isabel Myers-Briggs, this episode features the girls diving deep into their sick and twisted psyches to find out which of the 16 personalities describe them best.
Could we be E for Extra Juicy, or I for Ignant?
Could we be S for Sexy, or N for... Nevermind
Could we be T for Titillating, or F for Fucked In The Head?
And last but not least, are we P for Precious, or J for umm.. Jewish? Not to MENTION a possibly Turbulent modifier to all that...
T for Tune In NOW for one of the most revealing episodes in our show's history. Also one of the loudest and drunkest, but you already knew that.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and step into our world on Instagram @th0tcels. Pay for some therapy on Patreon. (Disclaimer: It will 100% not go toward that.)
Saturday Apr 08, 2023
Saturday Apr 08, 2023
Not a lot of topics this week... we went in with a game plan I swear!
This week, we convene for a wine-drunk Girls' Summit and discuss everything that's on our sick and twisted minds. Honestly, what DON'T we cover? The difference between people who come out in high school vs college, the Super Mario Movie, this spring's new and very off vibe, being more famous than Bob the Drag Queen, being clockable, using hotness to get ahead in the world, PUSSY HOLE BY DJ NASTY, and SOOO much more. We get progressively more wasted and unintelligible so good luck!
Try our favorite productivity shot MAGIC MIND at magicmind.co/topics and use the promo code TOPICS20 for 20% off any purchase or 56% off any subscription!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official podstagram @th0tcels. Take us for a spin on Patreon.
Thursday Mar 30, 2023
Thursday Mar 30, 2023
**PATRONS ONLY!!**
Subscribe for full backdoor access. I mean backstage access. Or do I?
Hey girl! Did you know that uhm. There's a tunnel under ocean boulevard??
Believe it or not we thought we were going to have time to talk about the TikTok ban and school shooters LOL! This week, we deliver the definitive two-hour-long deep dive into Lana Del Rey's new album. In a track by track evaluation, we assess the good, the bad, and the fugly: and deliver some takes that we really think you're gonna hate!
Hands on your knees, Angelina Jolies!!
Monday Mar 20, 2023
Monday Mar 20, 2023
OOF!
We take our big, feathery female investigative journalist hats off and place them FIRMLY on the rack this week in the name of hot, wet FUN! This week, we forgo all reporting and take-making duties to play an intense game of TRUTH OR DRINK, revealing more personal details than we ever have in our podcasting careers.
I don't want to spoil anything but we get literally so wasted on this episode and I don't remember anything we said so I can't be held responsible. Maybe you guys can tell us what went down! Circumcision, early Internet trauma, vices, doomed romance, ketophobia, and MORE!!! Tune the fuck in.
Get you a discounted case of MAGIC MIND at MagicMind.Co/TOPICS and use the promo code TOPICS20 at checkout. 20% off a single purchase or 56% off a subscription!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official podstagram @th0tcels. Buy us a freakin' cocktail on Patreon.
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