Thot Topics

Gomorrahning America! (Preview)

**PATRONS ONLY. SUBSCRIBE FOR FULL LENGTH EP!**
We just got HIV!!! WOOOOOO! Ayyy! The boy's a liarrrr! Oooh! The boy's a liarrrr! HEYYY!!! 
This week is all about sin: who's got it? Who wants it? Who's taking it out on consenting unconscious adults? Only one podcast has the answers. Following a brief State of the Podcast address, we get down to business.
First, we psychoanalyze the HIV Twink. Is it cool to have a yassified response to a diagnosis? Should HIV be treated like gonorrhea? Are certain people predisposed to HIV just by looking like that? You're guaranteed to think "Period" to yourself at the end of this segment, or your money back!
Then, we talk about Dr. Whale's theory of sex positivity ending date rape: would rape end if we made it okay for guys to pay women to drug themselves and get fucked unconscious? LOOOOOOL.........
Anyway, we bullshit and tell the girls a little bit about our weekend plans, Sydney Sweeney, animals' capacity for love, and SOOOO much more. XO sisters!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and our joyful meme page @th0tcels. Make an undetectable blood pact with us on Patreon. 

Now That’s What I Call Mother!

We've come together for an emergency session to address the end of the word "mother" and the woman who delivered the death blow: Meghan Freakin Trainor, Queen of PAWGs. 
Naturally that's not all: we discuss the pathetic state of everyday mens' fashion, the Chicago mayoral race (including a heartfelt tribute to our muppet queen Lori Lightfoot), and how to say various cuss words in sign language.
We give Kali Uchis and rightwing bodybuilder Twitter a piece of our mind too. Is it evil to drink liquor and should everyone stop doing it? Is it gay to have a ripped fizeek? Are muscle tee brands making the kids ghey? TUNE IN and find out...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod meme page @th0tcels. Contribute a generous pledge in our bid for city hall on Patreon. 

Ass Wednesday Pt. 1: Asses to Asses!

We're back with a vengenace! (We're=Onika,Vengeance=Burger)
We know we left you ladies hanging last week so this week we're unleashing a double-wide super-soaked hot-and-horny God-fearing two part special. We've accepted a truly prime list of topic suggestions from our listeners and get to the emotional heart of whatever mentally ill behavior went down online the last few weeks.
The first chapter is free for all, but if you want the FULL tea, you'll have to join the Thot Topics sisterhood officially with a little Patreon action. The second hour of the show is waiting for you BEYOND THE PAYWALL! 
We chat: the job hunt, A&W, Caroline Polachek, Chinese people eating animals while they're still moving, raising children, gay monogamy (I know, I know), Angela Bassett doing the thing, Salina EsTitties, and SO much more. I can't even begin to describe how much ground we cover.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official podstagram @th0tcels. Humble yourself in Jesus's name on Patreon. 

The Thot 100 AKA Balls Deep In Love!

It was a slow news week so we decide to take the cultural temperature-- by performing an in-depth review of the current Top 15 on the Billboard Hot 100. What does the presence of Bebe Rexha mean for America? Is Miley Cyrus "Flowers" astroturfed or do people really like this shit? Does mummy know that daddy's getting hot at the bodyshop? ALL is revealed.
But that's not all: we christen Cris's new apartment and talk gnocchi, firemen, sniffing snuff, specialty donuts and OF COURSE...
MAGIC MIND! For the next ten days, use our promo code TOPICS20 over at MAGICMIND.CO/TOPICS for 56% off a full supply of Magic Mind nootropic productivity shotz

Statutory Grape! (Preview)

PATRONS ONLY! You wouldn't get it.
Subscribe on Patreon for the rest of the episode.
In our iciest and spiciest episode yet, we hold a bookkeeping powwow ahead of tax season: why didn't anyone tell us we were supposed to set aside money from the Patreon to give to the government? It's not like JOE BIDEN stuck out his fucking NECK to tell the truth about Tinashe...
With the chips stacked and the coins counted, we turn to the news in Gay Guy World. First, we review the new Kim Petras single "Brrr," along with the debut EP from Ice Spice. Is the Ice Spice hate train just around the bend, or can we bask in her Bob Ross hair a little longer? Time will tell, but WE will tell first...
Then, we discuss Azealia's catastrophic departure from Parlophone Records after being signed for only a month and releasing zero music. We play a little bit of Gay&R and plot Azealia's ideal career path.
Last but certainly not least, we talk about "mascara," "grape," "unalive," and the other silly goofy words to cover up Serious Traumatic Triggering Topics on TikTok. Divulging personal trauma online! Julia Fox! Seeking attention! Elaborate lies! It's truly salacious.
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod meme page on Instagram @th0tcels. Free us from the bonds of the IRS on Patreon. 

The Director’s Cunt!

We're back-- and this time, it's pussonal...
In this double-wide spectacular, we let out a lot of extremely complicated, unique, and sexy emotions:
RAGE: We talk about the unjust cancellation of Betsey Brown's Actors screening at the Music Box Theatre, and psychoanalyze our haters.
ENNUI: If your parents raised you to love fast food is it ever possible to learn portion control?
REGRESSION: Are children's movies like PUSS IN BOOTS and its "highly realistic cat panic attack" actually designed for children? Or stunted adults?
FEELING MEOW TO THE PUSSYCAT-CUNT: Is Kim Petras making a mockery of SOPHIE's legacy by making music that kind of sounds like her?
All is revealed, and all the certifiably perfect answers are sponsored our friends at MAGIC MIND. Hit magicmind.co/topics and use the promo code TOPICS20 to get 20% off your first purchase of the OFISHAL productivity drink of this episode. 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod meme page @th0tcels. Put our puss in boots on Patreon. 

Harajewku Girls! (Trailer)

**PATRONS ONLY. TRAILER FOR THE POOR!**
In our inaugural episode of the Year of the Rabbit, we get little crazy and Asian up in here! It's RICH! 
First, we have a little bit of much-needed girl time: Nick tells the story of his engaygement, and Cris recounts his trip to the Camein Guylands. Plus, we discuss Apple's behavioral issues, and not caring about the environment.
But that's not all: we give our first impressions of the "lovely ladies" of Season 15 of Drag Race (it takes longer than we intend but we really go deep.) Plus, we review the holder of the new diva crown M3GAN (Spoilers beware but it's a dumb movie lol you really should already know how it ends...) 
AND!!! We talk about Gwen Stefani's totally valid Japanese heritage and Lizzo's claim that cancel culture is cultural appropriation. I think this is a really optimistic hour and a half!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod meme page @th0tcels on Instagram. Take a chance you stupid ho on Patreon.

Thotline 4: Call of Judy AKA Hello Floperator!

Dear Thot Topics, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'! I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone and I'm a bottom!
In our final episode of 2022 we take the crisis calls of our beloved, deeply troubled listeners. Talk about a therapy sesh! Let us in those ears mama!
We talk about getting over your fear of gay men, how to date when it seems like all gay guys are libtards, giving up on monogamy, dropping the R word in the workplace, and SO much more. Cheers to the new yearz baby!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and our perfect meme page @th0tcels. Subscribe on Patreon for even MORE Thotline action tomorrow night!!

Rock Paper SZA!

There should be an option for me to tag whether or not we got drunk for the episode because it's honestly way more offensive than "strong language"
 
We're back to run a 2 hour long Meghan train on your earholes with the week's most riveting topix. (It was slim pickings honestly but I think we did okay.) First, we review the nefarious homosexual finale of THE WHITE LOTUS and decide what secret homophobic messages Mike White is trying to whisper through the ether.
 
THEN, we talk about the tidal wave of Sam Smith hate. We put our thinking caps on and employ some classic Thot Topics Theorums and come away with an extremely satisfying, if not the definitive, conclusion.
Last but certainly not least, as we reach peak drunkness, we rate the top 10 most popular sounds on TikTok in the world right now. From Made You Look to the spinning monkeys song, we gingerly take the culture's temperature. And yes, there's an anal option!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod meme page @th0tcels. Donate to the Thot Topics Foundation for Michelob Ultra Rights at patreon.com/thottopics.

The Chelsea Boot Handshake!

The girls are girlinggggg!
 
Welcome back to the newly expanded Thot Topics lounge! Unbuckle your girdle and take your panties off because it's about to get extremely raw up in here. Sorry to have kept you waiting so long but we promise we won't leave you again for the next set of holidays...
 
This week, we allow the Patreon sisters to be our memory for the last two weeks and we chime in on everything that's happened: the Grindr IPO, the nonbinary luggage thief, Spotify Wrapped, our potential pivot to payola, Pokemon Violet, Dr. Luke and Kim Petras, BAALenciaga, and MORE. We're so happy to be back in your tight little ears! Nnnnnhhhh!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC and the official pod Instagram @th0tcels. Throw some real DOGS a bone on Patreon.