Thot Topics

*UNLOCKED* I Know Why The Caged Barb Sings! (feat. Zach Langley Chi Chi)

Sowwy (〃＞＿＜;〃) We're on a little unexpected turkeylicious holiday hiatus but we'll be back in your little ears ASAP! In the meantime, we're cracking open the vault to tide you over: this is our Patreon-exclusive episode with Zach from I'm So Popular in which we rank Nicki Minaj's discography

Full-Cunt Press!

{Batting a home run} It's giving... giving... GAAAAVEEEE!
Things get a little spicy this week and the spice in question is Sporty! From deep within the pussy part of the Venn Diagram between straight men and gay men, we talk about what separates us and what unites us. Sports! Sleep patterns! Being goofy and silly! And so much more.
In light of the midterm elections in Illinois, we also talk about which women we would show up to the polls for if they were running for President. What say the girls on Oprah? Gwyneth Paltrow? Lena Dunham? Anchors aweigh, girls.
It was a slow news week so most of the episode is dedicated to a girly little catch-up chitchat. Step into the breast buddy simulator and let's get cookin!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, plus the official pod Twitter and Instagram. Pass us the ball, we're open on Patreon.

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Mind!

When Adele turned 25 all she could come up with was "Hello". We made this episode, so CATCH US IF YOU CAN BITCH!
 
We're back! It's been a minute since we've had some private girls time so we take a moment to catch up on our personal lives as we both gear up to enter our dreaded mid-twenties. We reveal a hair care SHOCKER, report our own fashion crimes, and think about what makes you a grownup.
 
We attempt to cover some actual topics, and we do sort of touch on two: we review Rihanna's new stinky diarrhea pile "Lift Me Up" and raise Ice Spice up in holy prayer. We attempt to talk about Taylor Swift having the word "fat" removed from her music video but then get, uh, distracted. We feel you'll enjoy! Teehee!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Plus, the official pod Twitter and Instagram. Buy us a birthday shot on Patreon.

Hoes on the Beach! (feat. Morgan)

She jack my ant til it off... she jacks on my antonoff til i... uhhh
Alright, it's another patrons-only one this week-- not because we don't value ALL our sisters equally but we get pretty drunk during this one and name drop a lot of people we went to high school with so we've gotta put this one in jail.
We're joined in the stu' by friend of the pod MORGAN for our scathing assessment of Taylor Swift's new steaming slop pile. We reach inside and pull out the TRUTH! But baby you know that's not all-- we also talk about Billie Eilish's boyfriend, get to the bottom of the female (and gay) urge to date older guys, and put the GROOMING allegations to bed once and for all. Plus, we ask Morgan: have we ever said anything about women that would make women think we're retarded?
All this and MORE behind the paywall...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tcels. Swiftly give us four dollars on Patreon.

Happiness is a Butterface!

This week, we attempt what is likely the most difficult challenge in the history of the program: we comb through a bracket of Lana Del Rey's discography and attempt to crown ONE SONG as the supreme. All factors are considered, all truths are weighed, and we think you'll love how the dust settles. Or maybe you won't. Sue us!
But naturally that's not all. During the 40 minute long preshow (lol) we discuss Nick's vaccination tweet and FOLLOW YOUR GUT NO MATTER WHAT 2023. Not only that: we do a state of the union address on gay people and wonder why looking at another gay person (and hating him) is a lot like looking in the FREAKIN mirror!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Instagram @th0tcels. Put us in a movie on Patreon.
**PREVIEW ONLY ON THE MAIN FEED. FULL EP FOR PATRONS!**

Ballad of the Bussgina!

What if Trump's platform in 2024 was bringing back tops that suck and slurp on bussy lips...
We've just completed negotiations to be Lena Dunham's pallbearers when the horrible day inevitably comes, but in the meantime we've convened for a high-intensity GIRLS CHAT! This week, we pull a Jeffrey Dahmer and gobble up the news! Yum yum yum!
First, we talk about the obsession with true crime and why "real" violence just isn't cutting it anymore-- IS it healthy to spend all your free time listening to podcasts about people being brutalized? We hazard a guess...
But it's not all doom and gloom baby. We also pick apart Kim Petras scoring her first Top 5 hit in the US, Billy Eichner's new movie BROS flopping, and what makes straight people want to show up for movies about gays. Naturally we flap our gums in other directions too-- but you'll have to tune in to find out where they blow!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Podstagram @th0tcels. Help Nick rent a movie theater on Patreon. This episode is free, but the next one won't be! Join the sisterhood NOW!
 

Total Vageniuses!

**PATRONS ONLY EPISODE**
To give, or not to give: THAT is the question. Wanna know our answer bitch?
We're back to cracktion and ready for the first episode following the fall shequinox. And you know what that means: no more hearing my loud A/C unit in the back of every episode! LOL. YAY!!!
This week, we catch up as sisters for a good while, mostly to psychoanalyze Cris and his recurring The Biggest Loser dream. But that's not all: we kind of review Bjork's new single ATOPOS and talk about how music starts being all about function when you get to be OLD like us (early twenties). PLUS: we have a question for the audience regarding weight room etiquette.
Then, we review Sam Smith and Kim Petras's collab track UNHOLY. Ohhhh my God. Oh my God. Fuck no dude. HELL no. We also talk about Nick's Rina Sawayama review getting rejected for being too "misogynist." And THEN we talk a bit about Adam Levine's filthy little white boy sexts. Spoiler alert but we think it's kind of precious! It's a classic Thot Topics romp, we think you'll enjoy

Hold the Girls!

We heard that the big titty woodshop teacher is actually the headmaster... wanna know she got THAT name?
 
We're back! Finally there was some good fucking FOOD on the timeline this week, so we really dig deep.
 
First, we review Rina Sawayama's new album HOLD THE GIRL and really get carried away with our... strong feelings on the matter. Then, we go back to black: mermaids that is. We talk about the Little Mermaid remake and get to the bottom of whether Halle Bailey is an instrument of the Great Replacement.
 
Lastly, we talk the big titty woodshop teacher who made waves with her massive jugs. We answer the question on everyone's lips: when selecting dishwasher-safe breasts to wear to work, how much is too much?
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the Thot Topics Fanclub Instagram @th0tcels. Hold our girls on Patreon.

Fergalicious Debt!

Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt... debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt Fergalicious debtfinition make Joe Biden pay me
 
This week, we put on our lab coats to explore the dark side of Bro-tox: injecting toxins into your asshole; the final frontier for gay monstrosity. Is it worth risking incontinence to put more PP in your butt? We get to the BOTTOM of it. Teehee!
 
Then, we talk about MAGA Barbie Sydney Sweeney and make her pay for the sick and twisted crime of being beautiful and loving her family. Do any of us have an uncle that DOESN'T own a Punisher shirt? Did only white people vote for Trump? Can anyone get a forklift to help Barbie Ferreira up the stairs? All is revealed. (We also chat about the other Euphoria girls and their respective cancellations.)
 
You WISH it was over there. We recap Nicki Minaj's VMA Video Vanguard performance and reflect on her career, check in on our opinion of Renaissance, threaten to discuss Taylor Swift at length, and try to decipher whether our student loans have been wiped. (We still don't know.)
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Keep the thotfest going on Instagram @th0tcels. Fund our trip to the cat show on Patreon.

Wuthering Rights!

NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS!!!
We're baby got BACK and this week we're SETTLING IT. ONCE AND FOR ALL! We go through the annoying Twitter thread of the week wherein one GAY user asks: "What in the LGBT community do we need to talk about more??" 
If you immediately thought "nothing" then this is the episode for you. We settle the age-old debates of homosexuality, from the right people not wanting to fuck you, to "queer spaces that don't involve alcohol or sex." 
Now there's NO NEED to talk about any of this stuff anymore! We figured it all out!
Of course that's not all: we review Super Freaky Girl, talk about Nick's weed journey, the misery of The Job Search, and MORE! Get you a towel, it's so wet in our Jacuzzi!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Twitter @ThotTopicsPod. Follow our new shitposting Instagram @th0tcels. Get us to our 300-sister goal on Patreon!