Thot Topics

Thotline 4: Call of Judy AKA Hello Floperator!

Dear Thot Topics, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'! I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone and I'm a bottom!
In our final episode of 2022 we take the crisis calls of our beloved, deeply troubled listeners. Talk about a therapy sesh! Let us in those ears mama!
We talk about getting over your fear of gay men, how to date when it seems like all gay guys are libtards, giving up on monogamy, dropping the R word in the workplace, and SO much more. Cheers to the new yearz baby!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and our perfect meme page @th0tcels. Subscribe on Patreon for even MORE Thotline action tomorrow night!!

Rock Paper SZA!

There should be an option for me to tag whether or not we got drunk for the episode because it's honestly way more offensive than "strong language"
 
We're back to run a 2 hour long Meghan train on your earholes with the week's most riveting topix. (It was slim pickings honestly but I think we did okay.) First, we review the nefarious homosexual finale of THE WHITE LOTUS and decide what secret homophobic messages Mike White is trying to whisper through the ether.
 
THEN, we talk about the tidal wave of Sam Smith hate. We put our thinking caps on and employ some classic Thot Topics Theorums and come away with an extremely satisfying, if not the definitive, conclusion.
Last but certainly not least, as we reach peak drunkness, we rate the top 10 most popular sounds on TikTok in the world right now. From Made You Look to the spinning monkeys song, we gingerly take the culture's temperature. And yes, there's an anal option!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod meme page @th0tcels. Donate to the Thot Topics Foundation for Michelob Ultra Rights at patreon.com/thottopics.

The Chelsea Boot Handshake!

The girls are girlinggggg!
 
Welcome back to the newly expanded Thot Topics lounge! Unbuckle your girdle and take your panties off because it's about to get extremely raw up in here. Sorry to have kept you waiting so long but we promise we won't leave you again for the next set of holidays...
 
This week, we allow the Patreon sisters to be our memory for the last two weeks and we chime in on everything that's happened: the Grindr IPO, the nonbinary luggage thief, Spotify Wrapped, our potential pivot to payola, Pokemon Violet, Dr. Luke and Kim Petras, BAALenciaga, and MORE. We're so happy to be back in your tight little ears! Nnnnnhhhh!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC and the official pod Instagram @th0tcels. Throw some real DOGS a bone on Patreon.

*UNLOCKED* I Know Why The Caged Barb Sings! (feat. Zach Langley Chi Chi)

Sowwy (〃＞＿＜;〃) We're on a little unexpected turkeylicious holiday hiatus but we'll be back in your little ears ASAP! In the meantime, we're cracking open the vault to tide you over: this is our Patreon-exclusive episode with Zach from I'm So Popular in which we rank Nicki Minaj's discography

Full-Cunt Press!

{Batting a home run} It's giving... giving... GAAAAVEEEE!
Things get a little spicy this week and the spice in question is Sporty! From deep within the pussy part of the Venn Diagram between straight men and gay men, we talk about what separates us and what unites us. Sports! Sleep patterns! Being goofy and silly! And so much more.
In light of the midterm elections in Illinois, we also talk about which women we would show up to the polls for if they were running for President. What say the girls on Oprah? Gwyneth Paltrow? Lena Dunham? Anchors aweigh, girls.
It was a slow news week so most of the episode is dedicated to a girly little catch-up chitchat. Step into the breast buddy simulator and let's get cookin!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, plus the official pod Twitter and Instagram. Pass us the ball, we're open on Patreon.

Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Mind!

When Adele turned 25 all she could come up with was "Hello". We made this episode, so CATCH US IF YOU CAN BITCH!
 
We're back! It's been a minute since we've had some private girls time so we take a moment to catch up on our personal lives as we both gear up to enter our dreaded mid-twenties. We reveal a hair care SHOCKER, report our own fashion crimes, and think about what makes you a grownup.
 
We attempt to cover some actual topics, and we do sort of touch on two: we review Rihanna's new stinky diarrhea pile "Lift Me Up" and raise Ice Spice up in holy prayer. We attempt to talk about Taylor Swift having the word "fat" removed from her music video but then get, uh, distracted. We feel you'll enjoy! Teehee!
 
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC. Plus, the official pod Twitter and Instagram. Buy us a birthday shot on Patreon.

Hoes on the Beach! (feat. Morgan)

She jack my ant til it off... she jacks on my antonoff til i... uhhh
Alright, it's another patrons-only one this week-- not because we don't value ALL our sisters equally but we get pretty drunk during this one and name drop a lot of people we went to high school with so we've gotta put this one in jail.
We're joined in the stu' by friend of the pod MORGAN for our scathing assessment of Taylor Swift's new steaming slop pile. We reach inside and pull out the TRUTH! But baby you know that's not all-- we also talk about Billie Eilish's boyfriend, get to the bottom of the female (and gay) urge to date older guys, and put the GROOMING allegations to bed once and for all. Plus, we ask Morgan: have we ever said anything about women that would make women think we're retarded?
All this and MORE behind the paywall...
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tcels. Swiftly give us four dollars on Patreon.

Happiness is a Butterface!

This week, we attempt what is likely the most difficult challenge in the history of the program: we comb through a bracket of Lana Del Rey's discography and attempt to crown ONE SONG as the supreme. All factors are considered, all truths are weighed, and we think you'll love how the dust settles. Or maybe you won't. Sue us!
But naturally that's not all. During the 40 minute long preshow (lol) we discuss Nick's vaccination tweet and FOLLOW YOUR GUT NO MATTER WHAT 2023. Not only that: we do a state of the union address on gay people and wonder why looking at another gay person (and hating him) is a lot like looking in the FREAKIN mirror!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Instagram @th0tcels. Put us in a movie on Patreon.
**PREVIEW ONLY ON THE MAIN FEED. FULL EP FOR PATRONS!**

Ballad of the Bussgina!

What if Trump's platform in 2024 was bringing back tops that suck and slurp on bussy lips...
We've just completed negotiations to be Lena Dunham's pallbearers when the horrible day inevitably comes, but in the meantime we've convened for a high-intensity GIRLS CHAT! This week, we pull a Jeffrey Dahmer and gobble up the news! Yum yum yum!
First, we talk about the obsession with true crime and why "real" violence just isn't cutting it anymore-- IS it healthy to spend all your free time listening to podcasts about people being brutalized? We hazard a guess...
But it's not all doom and gloom baby. We also pick apart Kim Petras scoring her first Top 5 hit in the US, Billy Eichner's new movie BROS flopping, and what makes straight people want to show up for movies about gays. Naturally we flap our gums in other directions too-- but you'll have to tune in to find out where they blow!
Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official Podstagram @th0tcels. Help Nick rent a movie theater on Patreon. This episode is free, but the next one won't be! Join the sisterhood NOW!
 

Total Vageniuses!

**PATRONS ONLY EPISODE**
To give, or not to give: THAT is the question. Wanna know our answer bitch?
We're back to cracktion and ready for the first episode following the fall shequinox. And you know what that means: no more hearing my loud A/C unit in the back of every episode! LOL. YAY!!!
This week, we catch up as sisters for a good while, mostly to psychoanalyze Cris and his recurring The Biggest Loser dream. But that's not all: we kind of review Bjork's new single ATOPOS and talk about how music starts being all about function when you get to be OLD like us (early twenties). PLUS: we have a question for the audience regarding weight room etiquette.
Then, we review Sam Smith and Kim Petras's collab track UNHOLY. Ohhhh my God. Oh my God. Fuck no dude. HELL no. We also talk about Nick's Rina Sawayama review getting rejected for being too "misogynist." And THEN we talk a bit about Adam Levine's filthy little white boy sexts. Spoiler alert but we think it's kind of precious! It's a classic Thot Topics romp, we think you'll enjoy